Fake Nonfiction

“Please Replace the Acknowledgements Page of My Novel with This,” by Michael Don

Jan 3rd, 2024 | By

My debut novel has been out for six months and it’s clear from its lack of social media buzz and list-making that it’s complete garbage. Since its release, I have felt nothing but shame and regret. Though I can’t unpublish the book—right?—I would like to take a moment to blame everyone who has encouraged and supported me along the way.

“Sad Salad of Suffering Tasting Menu ‘About Page’ on Restaurant Haute Heaux’s Website,” by Cecilia Kennedy

Dec 27th, 2023 | By

Welcome, haute heaux, to the ultimate vegan dining experience, which deconstructs what is formerly known as a mere salade. Toss your expectations. Embrace your tastebuds, while we slowly dress—or rather undress—vegetables with our eyes, our ears, our olfactory glands—and more!

Feeling anxious? Don’t. For all you trembling, ripe, tasting-menu virgins, who have only known meat, and perhaps one big plate of food, filled from the buffet again and again, let us ease you into this experience by answering a few Frequently Asked Questions.

“Less Popular Versions of That Urban Legend With the Babysitter,” by Lillie E. Franks

Dec 13th, 2023 | By

The Classic 

A babysitter is staying over at a client’s house when she gets a phone call. “I’m going to kill you,” a strange voice on the other end of the line says. She tries to ignore it, but she gets another phone call. “I’m going to kill you,” the voice tells her again. She calls the police and tells them about the threatening calls. The police officer promises to run a trace to find out where the strange phone calls are coming from. 

“Oh my god!” the officer says, suddenly. “The calls are coming from inside the house! Get out! Get out now!” 

But there was no reply… 

“Tiered Holiday Cards,” by Amy Marques

Dec 6th, 2023 | By

1. People you barely know, never think about, who always send you cards.

[standard card greeting – no handwritten note]

The Xs

“What to Expect When You’re Expecting Nothing At All,” by Christa Laib

Nov 29th, 2023 | By

From the team that brought you What to Expect When You’re Expecting comes a new, comprehensive guide for women at that magical mid-life stage: What to Expect When You’re Expecting Nothing At All.