Fake Nonfiction

“Grand Opening of Hester Prynne’s Sexy Boutique Coming Soon!” by Brittany K. Fonte

Mar 15th, 2023 | By

It’s April, 2030, and there is a new home for romance in our town: Hester Prynne’s Sexy Boutique is opening soon at the intersection of Dimmesdale and Chillingworth Avenues! Chock full of whips, cat-o-nine-tails and clothing for the boudoir-curious, the new business owner invites the public into her private space this Friday evening at 6 o’clock, cock-tails to follow.  Prynne’s boutique is just part of a tremendous influx of BIPOC, women- and nonbinary-owned businesses born of this post-Red, rainbow era.

“Dr. Yuan’s Bio Without A Single BS Sentence,” by Xinran Maria Xiang

Mar 8th, 2023 | By

Dear Dr. Yuan: Please provide a few sentences for a biography to be included in our physician profile. Market research tells us that patients research providers on hospital websites before choosing one, and they consider how personal or human you are. We encourage you to write a biography that shows your personality, values, why you practice medicine, etc. 

“Tasting Notes,” by K R Reeve

Mar 1st, 2023 | By

A new blend of grapes, making lots of noise in winery circles. Effort is required to appreciate the initial notes, but will be rewarded by increased complexity. More expensive than anticipated.

Pair with: sweets and puddings, particularly chocolate.

“Shopping List for Next-to-Best-Friend’s Weekend Visit,” by Amy Marques

Feb 15th, 2023 | By

Note to shopper: No substitutions, no variations, no off-brand, no surprises.

“Dopest Super Bowl Halftime Show Ever,” by C.L. Barish

Feb 8th, 2023 | By

Based on the early internet buzz and euphoric media coverage, this year’s Super Bowl Halftime Show promised to be the most watched live entertainment event ever.

And when the first half of the football game finally ticked down to zero, thousands of fans in the seats were invited onto the field to have a front row seat to pop culture history.