Fake Nonfiction

“Disney Exec: It’s Time We Put Our Talented Former Child Actors to Work Really Leveraging Our Vast Intellectual Property,” by Jeff King

Apr 3rd, 2024 | By

Fellow members of the Walt Disney Studios creative team, thank you for the chance to make this pitch to you. Sorry I’m late. I stopped by the Percy Jackson set on the way in and sort of lost my mind. I got them all to autograph my tie, though, so it was worth it.

“Can’t Afford Your Car?” by Andrew Hanna

Mar 27th, 2024 | By

As a civic-minded American, I’ve noticed that my fellow citizens have been getting more stressed out with every passing year. One of the biggest reasons? Cars!

“The Patience Library: Employment opportunity,” by James Stuart Nolte

Mar 20th, 2024 | By

The Patience Library in Pasture, Colorado, seeks a Librarian/Library Technician. The Patience Library rests in a bucolic mountain setting with sheep grazing next door. There is a view open to the next state.  Half-time, no benefits. The pool of candidates for this job will be comprised of unpaid interns. Salary after probationary period is commensurate with education and experience but not to exceed minimum wage. Position open until filled.

“Third-Person Bio, Alternate Versions,” by Lynda Rushing

Feb 28th, 2024 | By

Third-Person Bio, Explained Like You’re Twelve

Lynda Rushing used to have a job cutting up dead people and looking at parts of living people to figure out why they died (the dead people) or why they’re sick (the living ones). She later became a lawyer who helped punish really mean bosses, and now spends her time writing stories about her life that you can read in magazines. (Although not always, or even usually.) She lives in one of the thirteen original colonies with her husband and her mom.

“Doctors Are Shocked at What They Find in Woman’s Esophagus,” by Andrea Goyan

Feb 14th, 2024 | By

Jill’s life took a hard left turn the day she was admitted to the hospital for a relatively minor procedure. Lying on a gurney in pre-op, she didn’t know her world was about to turn upside down. Forever.