A 900 acre tract of land in Brecknock Township, Pennsylvania has been cleared and leveled in anticipation of ground breaking for a new “Poetry Campus.” Venture capital group Coleridge Limited is the lead investor in this eastern Lancaster County project which will be completed in the next 12 months.

Welcome to Deipneus’s Delights. (Deipneus was the Greek god of feasts. Maybe Random House didn’t hire me for that editor position, but I’m damn well going to use the knowledge I paid good money for.)

We’ve got a situation here, Rutherford, and we’d like you to relay it to the rest of your office. We’ve received feedback from several of our retail clients stating that they are dissatisfied with the performance of our chemtrails, which directly affects their profits and return on investment. As a government branch, they expect our chemicals to be potent and us ourselves to be precise, accurate, and expedient. For many of them, this is obviously their first time working with the government.

“Mommy, fourth grade is so boring! Why do I have to go to school anyway?”

“That’s a very important question, honey! Let’s play a little game, okay?”

“I like games!”

“Okay, repeat after me: Would you like fries with that?”

 “I don’t get it, mommy.”

“That’s what the people who work at Burger King say. They’re working at what’s called a poverty-wage job.”

Dear students,

In light of the recent severe drop in temperature, we here at the university are quite worried that you might freeze to death. We want to make sure that you don’t. And we are going to do that by telling you not to.