Jesus Christ Superstar turns fifty-six this year, and boy do I have a proposition for you. Friends still waiting on the rapture, I hear you. Gabriel’s gonna blow that trumpet any day now. But what if we got something even better? What if, instead of Jesus H. Himself on the back of a white pony, with a double-edged sword in His mouth, we got a remake of the rock opera that made Him famous in the first place? And how about—get this—we reimagine the Gospel as an underwater odyssey with actual rock music? Don’t pretend you’ve never wondered how much edgier and heavier Superstar could have been if it had been made, like, seven years later.

On a chilly March morning, former Vice President Al Gore awoke with a start. He had left the TV news on overnight in his otherwise dark bedroom, the stories of the day flickering into his subconscious. His dreams had been nightmares, full of internet-related horrors: cyber-attacks, misinformation campaigns, not being able to type his password when trying to log in for a final exam for a class he forgot to go to all semester. 

After years of writing about the death of cinema, I’m thrilled to report that Hollywood has been reborn. Recent blockbusters like Call Me By Your Name 2: Powered by AT&T Wireless proved that emotional depth and aggressive brand integration saved the industry. I laughed. I cried. I purchased a popcorn bucket shaped like a Motorola Razr. Movies are no longer magic—they’re better.

A 900 acre tract of land in Brecknock Township, Pennsylvania has been cleared and leveled in anticipation of ground breaking for a new “Poetry Campus.” Venture capital group Coleridge Limited is the lead investor in this eastern Lancaster County project which will be completed in the next 12 months.

Welcome to Deipneus’s Delights. (Deipneus was the Greek god of feasts. Maybe Random House didn’t hire me for that editor position, but I’m damn well going to use the knowledge I paid good money for.)