two roads diverged
yet both lead
to the future
I sat between the two
among piles
of yellow leaves
and waited for
the city to infiltrate
the country
centuries later

shirred at the chest, sequined at the bodice,
for once not minding this dress was worn by my oldest
sister, nor that I sported my mother’s plastic sandals
with the see-through high heels
that looked like Cinderella slippers.

New issue arriving on August 20th, 2024!

There comes a moment in every woman’s life journey when she reflects on her choices. Maybe it was the decision to attend the same college as her high school boyfriend. Maybe it was the decision to move next door to her in-laws. In your case, it’s the decision you made to wear a jumpsuit to your ex’s wedding.

And now, here you are, in a beige bathroom stall at the local Hyatt, facing the greatest challenge of your adult life: figuring out how to use the toilet while wearing a jumpsuit.

I, Professor Pumpernickel, Chief Socialsciencology Researcher at the American University of America, Guam, have spent the past year alongside my faithful unpaid grad assistants scouring these United States for a codex of sorts—a Rosetta Stone that might decode for us the most cryptic of scripts, the most undercutting of utterances: those curiously curt words barked at us by our fathers.

Unfortunately, the last known copy of that 1902 classic, The Man’s Guide to Manning, appears to have burned up in a Springfield, MO, garage in the late 90s after a tragic turkey deep fryer accident.