“Hi! I’m Christy. Yes, I can tell you about FAQ. What would you like to know? I’m sorry, I did not catch that. What would you like to know? What would you like to know? Okay! You’d like to know about FAQ!”

Emergency physicians at St. Catherine’s General Hospital were stunned Friday night when 37-year old local man George Turlington was brought in by paramedics, his body fused to the interior of a college mascot suit. The two-piece grizzly bear costume, normally worn by an underpaid work-study student, was apparently sutured together by an unknown force. “Synthetic fibers are always unpredictable,” said Dr. Heather Maddox, lead surgeon of the trauma unit. “It’s possible that Mr. Turlington’s body heat caused the two components to meld together, but the truth is, we’ll never know for sure.”

Okay, I’d like to comment on the piece that Jim has submitted. I just love the title, “No F’s, Ants, or Butts” — and I think it’s really insightful – but — if I might just make a suggestion — and again I think it’s a great title — Jim might want to soften the wording a little.

For my entire life anytime I complain about anything my mother responds with some newly acquired anecdote about someone who has it harder. I first noticed the pattern in college after I griped about a roommate and she told me about a boy born without hands who had taught himself to paint by holding a paintbrush between his teeth. 

It’s true: J.D. Salinger did continue to write from 1965, when his work last appeared, to his death in 2010.

Announcing the publishing event of the decade….