A phrase has been frequently popping up in the media and on signs in establishments recently that I’d never heard before: “out of an abundance of caution.” It most commonly appears, of course, in reference to mitigating the Covid-19 pandemic, though I have also seen it used in military contexts such as the holding back of 12 National Guardsmen from inauguration day duty.

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The sheer amount of electricity required to power the volume of television I consumed as a child could have caused rolling blackouts in the average third world nation.

Now, I know what you’re thinkin’: “The best red velvet cake? Can’t be the best, what about Little Debbie?”

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love me a Little Debbie cake, as much as the next red-blooded southerner. But this recipe, passed down to me by my meemaw, Dorothy Birdie, is better than anything Little Debbie could bake. It’s sure to delight anyone come round for tea.

99 bottles of fear on the wall, 99 bottles of fear, take one down and pass it around, 100 bottles of fear on the wall.