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Defenestration: April 2023

It’s here. We’ve made it. Folks, we’ve made it to 20 volumes of Defenestration. That means we’ve officially hit the 20-year mark. This magazine is officially older than some of its contributors. I don’t have anything to say to commemorate this milestone, other than Defenestration is awesome, has always been awesome, and will continue to

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Defenestration: December 2022

It’s hard to believe we’ve already arrived at the last issue of the year, but here we are, folks. It’s December, 2022 is coming to a close, and the latest issue of Defenestration has arrived!

Once August’s issue came out, a bunch of weird stuff started happening. Bigfoot bought a hat, but that’s hardly noteworthy. Was IS noteworthy was that, someone, well, noteworthy, gave a shoutout to Defenestration, which caused a deluge of submissions for a month and a half. This isn’t an exaggeration, either. Normally we get a steady stream of submissions, but it got to a point where it was a struggle just to keep the inbox at 50 submissions or less. We’re a small operation with meager crew, most of whom are fictional, so that was a lot of stories and poems to read. I want you to keep that in mind as you read this month’s issue, because the stories and poems below were chosen from among the hundreds Eileen and I read over the past few months. It’s quite the badge of honor to be among the few chosen from the multitude.

Defenestration: August 2022

Prepare yourselves, people of the internet, for the August 2022 issue of Defenestration! How are you all doing? Good? Staying hydrated?

This month’s issue is totally weird. I’ve mentioned this before, but it seems like writers are all part of the same strange zeitgeist during each of our reading periods, and Eileen and I see very clear themes and subject matter in many of the poems and stories submitted. Sometimes you can chalk that up to what the market’s doing; some magazine or anthology might have just concluded its selections for a themed issue, and now everyone’s trying to find a home for the very niche story they wrote. That’s only sometimes, though. More often than not, writers and poets are just breathing the same inspirational air.

Nonfiction

“What Your Milk Choice Says About You,” by DS Racer

Much to the chagrin of the faux white mustache set at the American Dairy Association, the US Food and Drug Administration recently ruled that plant-based milk alternatives now may be labeled as milk, ending once and for all the “almond doesn’t lactate” era at America’s nutritional policing agency.

Fake Nonfiction

“Please Give Me This Grant I Don’t Deserve,” By Stephanie Sellars

I was born to be an artist. When I was in the womb, my mother listened to classical music. She claims my conducting gave her bruises. She also loved the oldies station. I did the twist until fluid filled my lungs, causing pneumonia. My natal constitution was made for La Vie Bohème. Although my parents were not very creative, my mother had anxiety. I am grateful for her contributions to my artistic temperament. With inherited neuroses and a weak immune system, I was destined for greatness.

Fiction

“Leg Shark,” by Maxwell Shepherd

They both cleared some space for the runner to pass by them and looked down the path waiting for them to round a corner of thick forest. But what rounded the corner was no jogger. Or, technically it was, because it was jogging. But it was no human jogger. No, instead it was a 25-foot great white shark. The massive white shark was propelled swiftly down the path on two very toned human legs clad in running shorts and Nike sneakers. Both of their eyes grew wide with terror. Chet’s darkest dreams had come to pass.

Poetry

“The Standoff,” by Adrianna McCollum

My dog wakes herself with a fart,
eyes filled with accusation
that I had played a nasty trick,
her glare cold, convinced.

Visuals

“Chuck Wood’s Day Off,” by Valerie Miller

For your Sunday enjoyment… some visuals!

Ben & Winslow

Live Out Your Filthy, Goblin-Filled Dreams

Winslow has been involved in the fast-paced world of goblin erotica since at least 2012, when he hired a slightly defective Japanese robot to help him illustrate comics. Looking back at that older comic, it certainly seems… prescient.