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If Only Life Were Written By Ricky Gervais

It appears that no matter how old we get, and what road of life we’ve decided to travel, a lot of people can’t shake off the shitty personalities they exhibited in high school. The only difference between then and now: getting into fisticuffs results in getting fired rather than a few days suspension. Oh, and lawsuits.

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Defenestration: December 2014

This is it, folks. The December 2014 issue of Defenestration. Smell it. Savor it.

Eileen and I don’t think about themes when we’re holding onto stuff during our reading periods. We just grab the stuff we like and throw it in a pile to look at later. But I don’t know… sometimes I think we’re either operating on a similar plane of existence or that the submitters have tapped into some hive mind of creativity, because sometimes we end up with a very clear theme.

This month is filled with monsters and misunderstood creatures.

Defenestration: August 2014

Summer is coming to an end. And that can only mean one (important) thing: The August 2014 issue of Defenestration is here!

The August issue is always the hardest to put together. The winds of literary magic don’t blow very strong in late August, so we’re forced to accumulate magic through other, more labor-intensive means. We have to plan for this in advance. Eileen, for example, takes a trip to Ireland every summer to collect leprechaun feces (also known as “leprechuano”). We have to sacrifice three times as many unicorns, and it’s always a pain getting enough of them. Not to mention all the manticore tears that need to be bottled, all the demons that need to be castrated, and all the wizard bile that needs to be picked up from our cannery in North Carolina and shipped back to Defenestration HQ. And this happens before we even choose the content for the issue!

Defenestration: April 2014

So. Here were are at last.

It’s time for the April 2014 issue of Defenestration, everyone! Last year Eileen and I took a break from the magazine to rest our fragile bodies and minds. Three months in a chemical bath and several cybernetic upgrades later, we reopened Defenestration to submissions and got back to work. The response was truly humbling. We started getting submissions immediately–and so many were awesome that we ended up holding on to more for consideration than we ever had before. That made choosing the content for this issue a little more difficult than usual, but Eileen and I are professionals and know how to handle these sorts of things. (We never resort to violence, unless that doesn’t work and we’re forced to resort to violence.

Prose

Defenestration-Fake Nonfiction “Online Learning,” Mark Jabaut

Hello, All, and welcome to Fun with European Literature! I am looking forward to an exciting and stimulating online experience with all of you. I have attached a syllabus and reading list so we all know what to expect. I hope one or two of you read it! LOL!

Speaking of what to expect, let me say right now that I am aware that my last name has the word “cock” in it. This is not news to me. Believe me, I have heard all the jokes, but I imagine one of two of you will try to come up with something new anyway. Do your best! LOL.

Ben & Winslow

02272015 Phonetics (Icon) Phonetics

Originally I wanted to do a comic where Winslow was speaking in Old English, but that was only because I wanted to incorporate a bunch of old letters English speakers don’t use anymore. But then I thought, the International Phonetic Alphabet has all of those letters and a whole bunch of other crazy-ass letters.

Eileen: This is Your Brain On…

Defenestration-Eileen's Unicorn Jane Eyre, Dominatrix

Who’s excited for the upcoming 50 Shades of Grey movie? Only a few more weeks to go before you have to avoid asking your mom if she’s seen any great films recently. Personally, I’ll be avoiding eye contact for months.

Jonathan: Mysteries Answered!… and Stuff.

Defenestration-Jonathan's Column Icon D&D Soup at 165 Eaton Place

What could a classic British TV series like Upstairs Downstairs and Dungeons & Dragons have in common?

Chris: Encyclopedia Douchebag… ica

Defenestration-Chris's Column Icon If Only Life Were Written By Ricky Gervais

It appears that no matter how old we get, and what road of life we’ve decided to travel, a lot of people can’t shake off the shitty personalities they exhibited in high school. The only difference between then and now: getting into fisticuffs results in getting fired rather than a few days suspension. Oh, and lawsuits.

Genevieve: Ubiquitous Film Review

prometheusbruce Five Movies That Could Have Used a Time-Traveling Bruce Willis

So I guess if this year’s sci-fi action tickler Looper has taught us anything, it’s that no actor is as well-equipped to go back in time and talk to some dummies about life as Bruce Willis.