Defenestration-Chris's Column Icon

Columns

…and an Inch to Grow On

For our entire lives, birthdays have been dedicated to our own happiness and fulfillment. We’re being celebrated for an act we had no part in and are rewarded for simply falling out of a vagina.

Featured

Defenestration: April 2015

Welcome, welcome, to the April 2015 issue of Defenestration, marking our 12th volume in this ridiculously long-running magazine of ridiculousness!

I’m not going to write a particularly long editorial this month because my computer is on its deathbed and doesn’t like to run for more than 20 minutes at a time before freezing up or crashing. You can’t trust technology, but you also can’t live without it. Or you at least can’t convince yourself that you can’t live without it. There’s a powerful message hidden in there, but I’m too lazy to find it. I’ll just be content with rushing through this editorial before the computer explodes. Can I write two more paragraphs? Read on and find out!

Defenestration: December 2014

This is it, folks. The December 2014 issue of Defenestration. Smell it. Savor it.

Eileen and I don’t think about themes when we’re holding onto stuff during our reading periods. We just grab the stuff we like and throw it in a pile to look at later. But I don’t know… sometimes I think we’re either operating on a similar plane of existence or that the submitters have tapped into some hive mind of creativity, because sometimes we end up with a very clear theme.

This month is filled with monsters and misunderstood creatures.

Defenestration: August 2014

Summer is coming to an end. And that can only mean one (important) thing: The August 2014 issue of Defenestration is here!

The August issue is always the hardest to put together. The winds of literary magic don’t blow very strong in late August, so we’re forced to accumulate magic through other, more labor-intensive means. We have to plan for this in advance. Eileen, for example, takes a trip to Ireland every summer to collect leprechaun feces (also known as “leprechuano”). We have to sacrifice three times as many unicorns, and it’s always a pain getting enough of them. Not to mention all the manticore tears that need to be bottled, all the demons that need to be castrated, and all the wizard bile that needs to be picked up from our cannery in North Carolina and shipped back to Defenestration HQ. And this happens before we even choose the content for the issue!

Prose

Defenestration-Fake Nonfiction “[ETC.]” by Sean Pravica

I’m Bryce. There’s so much happening right now and my schedule is crammed to the gills that suddenly I went all genius and realized I needed to make one big, epic post to cover all I need to say. Get this: I need a job, am looking for a place to live, have a demo of my music I’m willing to give to anyone who can truly appreciate it, and I want to know who that sexy chick was at the gas station yesterday. I think we had a moment, so hopefully you check out Craigslist on the regular, sweetie.

Ben & Winslow

05292015 Burn It Down! (Icon) Burn It Down!

I kind of feel like I’m trolling my own fans with this one…

Eileen: This is Your Brain On…

Defenestration-Eileen's Unicorn Jane Eyre, Dominatrix

Who’s excited for the upcoming 50 Shades of Grey movie? Only a few more weeks to go before you have to avoid asking your mom if she’s seen any great films recently. Personally, I’ll be avoiding eye contact for months.

Jonathan: Mysteries Answered!… and Stuff.

Defenestration-Jonathan's Column Icon Fair Trade The HARD Way (Not Really)

Hope does not taste good. I guess coffee is best when it is bitter and brewed with human suffering and unfairness.

Chris: Encyclopedia Douchebag… ica

Defenestration-Chris's Column Icon …and an Inch to Grow On

For our entire lives, birthdays have been dedicated to our own happiness and fulfillment. We’re being celebrated for an act we had no part in and are rewarded for simply falling out of a vagina.

Genevieve: Ubiquitous Film Review

prometheusbruce Five Movies That Could Have Used a Time-Traveling Bruce Willis

So I guess if this year’s sci-fi action tickler Looper has taught us anything, it’s that no actor is as well-equipped to go back in time and talk to some dummies about life as Bruce Willis.