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Defenestration: August 2014

Summer is coming to an end. And that can only mean one (important) thing: The August 2014 issue of Defenestration is here!

The August issue is always the hardest to put together. The winds of literary magic don’t blow very strong in late August, so we’re forced to accumulate magic through other, more labor-intensive means. We have to plan for this in advance. Eileen, for example, takes a trip to Ireland every summer to collect leprechaun feces (also known as “leprechuano”). We have to sacrifice three times as many unicorns, and it’s always a pain getting enough of them. Not to mention all the manticore tears that need to be bottled, all the demons that need to be castrated, and all the wizard bile that needs to be picked up from our cannery in North Carolina and shipped back to Defenestration HQ. And this happens before we even choose the content for the issue!

Defenestration: April 2014

So. Here were are at last.

It’s time for the April 2014 issue of Defenestration, everyone! Last year Eileen and I took a break from the magazine to rest our fragile bodies and minds. Three months in a chemical bath and several cybernetic upgrades later, we reopened Defenestration to submissions and got back to work. The response was truly humbling. We started getting submissions immediately–and so many were awesome that we ended up holding on to more for consideration than we ever had before. That made choosing the content for this issue a little more difficult than usual, but Eileen and I are professionals and know how to handle these sorts of things. (We never resort to violence, unless that doesn’t work and we’re forced to resort to violence.

Defenestration: August 2013

Ten years, you guys. This October, Defenestration will be ten years old!

Have any of you ever read slush? Have you ever read slush for ten years straight? After so long a time, Eileen’s lucky to still have her sanity, and I’m lucky to still have my sanity and my rakish good looks. But the slush is wearing us down, and we’re quickly becoming editors on the edge. We don’t sleep well. We don’t eat well. Our nerves have been rubbed raw. I have literally—literally—seen Eileen turn into a Tyrannosaurus over seemingly insignificant things. The other day she almost leveled an IHOP after finding an uneven distribution of blueberries in her blueberry pancakes. This sort of destruction cannot continue no matter how awesome and no matter how many views the resulting videos on YouTube attain.

Prose

Defenestration-Fake Nonfiction “The Online Personality Test for Your Online Personality,” by Chris Eversman

Instructions: Please choose Yes or No in response to the following statements about yourself. If you are not sure how to answer, grab a coloring book instead. When you are done answering, press the “Score Me” button and your responses will be emailed to your mother, ex-spouse, and 7th-grade teacher so that all of their suspicions can be confirmed.

Ben & Winslow

08292014 Outside the Box (Icon) Outside the Box

Today’s strip is inspired by my own cats–my youngest cat in particular, who refuses to bury his poop and often poops on the floor right outside the litter box. I wanted to draw a comic about cats, so I decided to draw Ben and Winslow as cats and BLOW YOUR MINDS.

Eileen: This is Your Brain On…

1508962 Great (?) Literature’s Worst Boyfriends: Part Two

It’s time to delve into more examples of Great (?) Literature’s Worst Boyfriends. Cuz’ I know how to LEAN IN, bitches.

Jonathan: Mysteries Answered!… and Stuff.

Recipes for your Literary Dinner Party

1st Course: Hors D’oeurve   Wells Tower’s Salmon Cutlets, Ravaged and Burned Ingredients:  1 salmon filet, 2 tablespoons olive oil, 2 cloves garlic, fresh dill, 2 lemons, salt, male angst, Viking helmet Put on your Viking helmet. Savagely cut salmon filet into long strips and then mercilessly mince garlic cloves and shred dill. Adjust your

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Chris: Encyclopedia Douchebag… ica

Defenestration-Columns Now is the Summer of My Discontent

Here in the Washington DC area we had a fairly harsh winter: bone-chilling temperatures, harsh winds, and a couple feet of snow. Folks started to get cabin fever and began wishing for warmer weather to return. They wanted to lounge by some body of water, followed by a cookout with family and friends and ending

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Genevieve: Ubiquitous Film Review

prometheusbruce Five Movies That Could Have Used a Time-Traveling Bruce Willis

So I guess if this year’s sci-fi action tickler Looper has taught us anything, it’s that no actor is as well-equipped to go back in time and talk to some dummies about life as Bruce Willis.