Defenestration: August 2015

Welcome, welcome, one and all, to (arguably one of) the happiest places on Earth (or at least the electronic version of Earth). It’s time to unleash the August 2015 issue of Defenestration into the cyber realm, so sit back, ready your reading digits, and prepare to be amused.

Defenestration: April 2015

Welcome, welcome, to the April 2015 issue of Defenestration, marking our 12th volume in this ridiculously long-running magazine of ridiculousness!

I’m not going to write a particularly long editorial this month because my computer is on its deathbed and doesn’t like to run for more than 20 minutes at a time before freezing up or crashing. You can’t trust technology, but you also can’t live without it. Or you at least can’t convince yourself that you can’t live without it. There’s a powerful message hidden in there, but I’m too lazy to find it. I’ll just be content with rushing through this editorial before the computer explodes. Can I write two more paragraphs? Read on and find out!

Defenestration: December 2014

This is it, folks. The December 2014 issue of Defenestration. Smell it. Savor it.

Eileen and I don’t think about themes when we’re holding onto stuff during our reading periods. We just grab the stuff we like and throw it in a pile to look at later. But I don’t know… sometimes I think we’re either operating on a similar plane of existence or that the submitters have tapped into some hive mind of creativity, because sometimes we end up with a very clear theme.

This month is filled with monsters and misunderstood creatures.


Defenestration-Fake Nonfiction “Next Generation of Reality Stars,” by Merritt Moseley

Did you see this article in the Telegraph—“The Kardashian sisters are the true heirs to The Brontës”? I don’t know if you have the Kardashian app yet or not but my phone pinged with it first thing.

Ben & Winslow

10022015 Jiggle Mechanics (Icon) Jiggle Mechanics

Breasts should not move as if they were partially filled water balloons. As much as I would like to blame the wild breasticulations in a certain caliber of video games and cartoons on a very limited grasp of anatomy, I get the distinct impression that all this bouncing and jiggling is done on purpose. And so I ask, why do you want breasts to move as if they were partially filled water balloons? They could quite literally kill someone. Or at least blacken a few eyes.

Eileen: This is Your Brain On…

Defenestration-Eileen's Unicorn Jane Eyre, Dominatrix

Who’s excited for the upcoming 50 Shades of Grey movie? Only a few more weeks to go before you have to avoid asking your mom if she’s seen any great films recently. Personally, I’ll be avoiding eye contact for months.

Jonathan: Mysteries Answered!… and Stuff.

Defenestration-Jonathan's Column Icon Please Love Me, Mary Gaitskill

I met Mary Gaitskill once, and only once, which stands to be one of the most memorable and embarrassing evenings of my life.

Chris: Encyclopedia Douchebag… ica

Defenestration-Chris's Column Icon Sloth and Gluttony are My Homeboys

Let’s be honest with ourselves, life is really only worth living between the ages of six and sixty, after that we’re in bonus levels.

Genevieve: Ubiquitous Film Review

prometheusbruce Five Movies That Could Have Used a Time-Traveling Bruce Willis

So I guess if this year’s sci-fi action tickler Looper has taught us anything, it’s that no actor is as well-equipped to go back in time and talk to some dummies about life as Bruce Willis.