Columns
Expletives in a Glass
I’ve compiled a few recipes for your drinking pleasure over the next unbearable four (eight?) years.
Recent Posts
- Hot, Flammable Women
- “It’s All Greek to Me!” by Jennifer Schaupp
- Milk In It
- “Wake up, Sheep—Paul Giamatti Is Not Dead!” by Daniel Galef
- Hyrule’s Warriors
- “The Cosmology of Your PANDORA Charm Bracelet,” by Heidi Espenscheid Nibbelink
- They Live!
- “My Opinion, Which I’m Entitled To,” by Jay Morris
- That One Saying About Lemons
- “13 terrible opening lines to ensure your after-work novel never sees the light of day,” by Gavin Bradley
Featured
Good morning or possibly afternoon (or night)! Welcome to the April 2017 issue of Defenestration! And if I’m here welcoming you to a new issue, that also means I’m sitting at my computer the night before this issue goes live, wondering what the heck I should be writing about for my editorial. I mean, I could tell you about all the stuff you get to read this month, which may or may not include clown removal, jabberwockies, interesting clothes, dead bodies, ballet, and a bear named Doug.
You can’t see me, but I’m rubbing my hands together with sinister glee. Maybe I’m just excited to share this month’s issue of Defenestration with you. Or maybe I’m giddy about leaving this disastrous year behind. Or maybe I’m convinced that time is cyclical and that David Bowie will reappear sometime in early January. Okay, so maybe it’s all three. But this is Defenestration, so let’s talk about that, shall we?
Summer has come and gone. Vacations have ended, and schools are gearing up for another year of drudgery. Pools are being filled with dogs, then drained of water (and dogs). Birds are flying back to wherever the heck they normally fly to. Fireflies, too. Also aliens. These are sad, depressing times. But at least we have a new issue of Defenestration to keep us company in the weeks ahead.
Prose
“It’s All Greek to Me!” by Jennifer Schaupp How people romantically pair up eludes me. I’d have a better chance of learning Greek from a teacher who only spoke Greek before understanding the rules and non-rules of the dating scene. I once told a gentleman pursuing me that I was in between phones. I don’t know exactly what that means, but it sounded plausible, especially in the early otts when people were exploring the possibilities of cell phones. I just didn’t know how to let him down honestly, even though I believe in the definition of honesty and how it can positively impact your life.
Ben & Winslow
Hot, Flammable Women I looks like some of the courage that Little Winslow injected Winslow with actually lingered in his system a bit longer than everyone thought. Or else Winslow took a smaller dose this time. Whatever the reason, his newfound courage has apparently replaced other important qualities, like common sense and self-preservation. Let’s all just hope there’s a good burn clinic nearby.
Eileen: This is Your Brain On…
Are YOU Irish Today? Let’s get ready to celebrate “Ireland’s Second Rate Saint Day!”
Jonathan: Mysteries Answered!… and Stuff.
Expletives in a Glass I’ve compiled a few recipes for your drinking pleasure over the next unbearable four (eight?) years.
Chris: Encyclopedia Douchebag… ica
King Toadstool: Portrait of a Tyrant Koopa Kingdom isn’t an aggressive nation who wishes to destabilize the status quo because “that’s what bad guys do.” In fact, they’re a fledgling resistance, seeking to free all citizens of the world from under the iron fist of King Toadstool.
