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Defenestration: April 2024

Welcome, one and all, to the April 2024 issue of Defenestration, which marks our 21st volume. Yes, Defenestration is now old enough to drink alcoholic beverages in the United States, obtain a concealed weapons permit, adopt a child, and gamble at casinos. So if you don’t hear from Defenestration for the next week or so,

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Defenestration: December 2023

Hello, world! Welcome to the December 2023 issue of Defenestration!

I’m going to be honest with you. As I write this I’m preparing to watch The Muppet Christmas Carol with my family. We have pizza. We have soda. Our bodies and minds are prepared for the greatest Christmas movie to ever deck our halls. So I’m really not in the proper mindset to write a decent editorial. I could write about Muppets, certainly. I could write pages and pages about Muppets. But Kermit and his friends don’t really have anything to do with this latest issue of Defenestration. 

Defenestration: August 2023

Is it really time for a new issue of Defenestration? Has the summer really come and gone? It must be true, otherwise I wouldn’t be here typing these words: Welcome to the August 2023 issue of Defenestration!

This month’s issue starts off with a new take on an old joke and… well, I don’t want to say the issue gets progressively weirder after that, because it’s all pretty weird. We’ve got some teleportation, some shark attacks, and juuuust enough pocket monsters to be amusing without resulting in a cease and desist letter. There’s a bunch of other funny stuff, too, but if I told you all about them here it would ruin the surprise. I know you’re curious.

Nonfiction

“The New Week,” by Arthur White

Our antiquated names for the days of the week are hopelessly irrelevant and should’ve been replaced sometime during the reign of Charlemagne.  It’s true that we still have a sun and a moon (or Mon) but we only think of the moon when making love en plein air and we only think of the sun when it’s too hot or has gone AWOL because it’s January.  We might vaguely remember Woden and Thor (garbled into Wed and Thur) from Norse mythology, but, have you ever given them a serious thought?  How did a good Roman like Saturn wander in among these horn-hatted Vikings?  Anyway, can you name a classical deity more obscure than Saturn?  As for “Tue” and “Fri,” I neither know nor care who they are.  Perhaps they used to be worshipped in the Seychelles Islands.

Fake Nonfiction

“‘Of course I’m Italian!’ Claims Non-Italian Actress Mia to Casting Director,” by Zoé Mahfouz

“I don’t know why they didn’t hire me. I was perfect for the Italian lady role. I told them I was Italian and they have no way to verify that information, especially if my mom is Italian and she took my father’s name which would explain why my last name isn’t Italian!” stated up-and-coming actress Mia in fury while getting her forehead Botox injections.

Fiction

“When Salvador Dali Identified Oscar Wilde In a Lineup,” Maureen Mancini Amaturo

The officer tripped over Dali’s walking stick for the third time. “Do you really need that thing?”

“Do I need this walking stick? Perhaps. The visual is everything.”

Poetry

“Memories of Hardship,” by Grace Alamo

You proudly do your hair like Princess Leia’s for picture day only to quietly take out the buns later when the other school children giggle and stare. You trade your stuffed rabbit, Hoppy, for Sarah’s lion at school and regret it immediately.

Visuals

“Barbie and Buddha,” by Patricia Myerson

For your Sunday enjoyment… a comic!

Ben & Winslow

Live Out Your Filthy, Goblin-Filled Dreams

Winslow has been involved in the fast-paced world of goblin erotica since at least 2012, when he hired a slightly defective Japanese robot to help him illustrate comics. Looking back at that older comic, it certainly seems… prescient.