back when men were men
and Popes were Popes
and mystery was still sublime
when the Pope came out to
check his shadow each winter
and it was long, vast, and feared across America

The bell rang and I leapt into action
with the preliminary grumble
of an aged Pavlovian hound.
I grasped both armrests
hissed a pneumatic gasp
and pushed
myself
up.

I disdain your pizza order.
These are ignorant toppings.
Once I commanded ravens
to deliver fresh bread
to Elijah in the wilderness.
Now I deliver pizza.

As the green grass always says,
the secret to a long life is…

Hey Mama, I know a pack of starving zombies is rapidly approaching our house, but I’d like to try putting my socks on by myself today.

I can see what you’re thinking: Why the socks, why today? I believe it was Dr. Maria Montessori who said, “It is necessary that the child teach himself, and then—”

Big reaction! Do you need the Calm Down Corner? Some belly breaths?