I disdain your pizza order.
These are ignorant toppings.
Once I commanded ravens
to deliver fresh bread
to Elijah in the wilderness.
Now I deliver pizza.

As the green grass always says,
the secret to a long life is…

Hey Mama, I know a pack of starving zombies is rapidly approaching our house, but I’d like to try putting my socks on by myself today.

I can see what you’re thinking: Why the socks, why today? I believe it was Dr. Maria Montessori who said, “It is necessary that the child teach himself, and then—”

Big reaction! Do you need the Calm Down Corner? Some belly breaths?

New issue arriving August 20th, 2026!

Those dishes in the sink will not get done, so you may as well stop asking about them. And if you dare raise the subject again I will continue to reply using passive constructions, as the dishes exist in a realm that has nothing to do with me, though relatively speaking they are beneath me. That should explain damn-near everything, but given your countenance, I feel obliged to elaborate.