Do you sometimes wish you could give your child a magic pill that would permanently build their self-esteem? While that worthy goal may be a long way off, West Windsor resident Dr. Robert Winthrop Yoskovitz believes that he may have discovered the next best thing; even though he’s the first to admit that he’s invented “nothing.”

Professor Tennyson Enthide Pennywhistle III invented dinner at the beginning of the 20th century. Before his marvelous invention, people only ate two meals a day: breakfast and lunch. Most people in those dismal days ate massive lunches and fell asleep shortly before 3 PM, and not a lot of work got done. Professor Pennywhistle’s invention is credited with helping along the 20th century’s greatest inventions, which, thanks to dinner, were all invented at precisely 7:03 PM. Not many people know this. Professor Pennywhistle doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page.

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1st Course: Hors D’oeurve   Wells Tower’s Salmon Cutlets, Ravaged and Burned Ingredients:  1 salmon filet, 2 tablespoons olive oil, 2 cloves garlic, fresh dill, 2 lemons, salt, male angst, Viking helmet Put on your Viking helmet. Savagely cut salmon filet into long strips and then mercilessly mince garlic cloves and shred dill. Adjust your

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Time travel is an excuse to relive Winslow’s most uncomfortable moments, even if they only happened a few months ago.