Twenty-two firefighters labored to deliver you,
yours a different kind of fire.

Here, eat this fucking sandwich

that I had originally intended to make
for myself but later realized

was no good for me

My daughter saw this one and asked, “What happened to his face?!” To which I replied, “I don’t know!”

What could a classic British TV series like Upstairs Downstairs and Dungeons & Dragons have in common?

Questions 1-4: Misery. Answer the following story problems using any method you like – provided it’s the method that I want you to use. Each problem is worth enough points to convince you that answering any incorrectly will earn you a grade that sabotages all of your future hopes. Calculators are not permitted.