I still wear Chinese mesh $1.99 ‘ghetto slippers’ everywhere. Shopping. To the beach. To Europe. In fancy hotels. Everywhere. Even Chinese women don’t wear them anymore. Their loss. I didn’t invent them, but if I did, I’d call them ‘Chinese Cock-Blockers,’ because men, apparently, hate them.

Here in the Washington DC area we had a fairly harsh winter: bone-chilling temperatures, harsh winds, and a couple feet of snow. Folks started to get cabin fever and began wishing for warmer weather to return. They wanted to lounge by some body of water, followed by a cookout with family and friends and ending

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Am I the only one who breaks down into a terrible rage when an item I’ve ordered is delayed? My phone will buzz in my pocket, and I’ll get an e-mail telling me that my copy of the complete Conan the Adventurer animated series and my Yoshi-shaped pillow are delayed, and I’ll stomp around complaining about how I have to wait an extra day and how all my plans for the weekend are officially ruined. Happens all the time.

Friends, supporters, colleagues, distinguished guests… all people I’d rather see than the degenerates and scumbags seated before me now.

Winslow is a lot of fun at parties, but he doesn’t go to many these days. You should probably invite him to your next event. I promise he’ll eat all of your food and scare away all of your guests by the end of the night.