Good afternoon passengers. This is the pre-boarding announcement for the all-women flight to pay parity. We have been calling out for passengers for a few decades but have a few concerns. If you’re people with small children, passengers requiring special assistance, people of color, or sometimes identify as a woman, you may be asked to get at the back of the line. You risk being deboarded if you make any noise. Otherwise, we will be at your service, with discount coupons and one free martini after hours on March 8th. Please have your boarding pass and identification ready. Regular boarding will begin in approximately 10 minutes, and let us remind you we do not consider pay negotiations very “ladylike.” Thank you.

Hey there. It’s me. Yeah, me – the box of lettuce you bought two weeks ago and haven’t touched since. I see the shame on your face when you look at me in the fridge. And you know what? I love it.

As many of you know, The Bottomless Cup Initiative had its genesis in pending legal action against restaurant chains advertising Bottomless Cup Refills. It was at the request of several such establishments, as well as the larger umbrella organization, that we began our research. We regarded the initial five million dollar grant as generous, and perhaps naively, sufficient. Today I wish to apprise you of our efforts and results thus far.

Prone: In Praise of Lethargy

Campbell Somerville, Michaels College Press, 2011, 275 pps. (paper)

Written over the course of thirty years and still unfinished at his death in 2010, hermetic Professor Somerville’s pensées on the value of inaction were found in his university apartment along with his partially decomposed body.

“An unbelievable find” — David Larsen, Michaelstown Fire Chief. Only $9.95

Once again, the Educational Toys Collaborative is publishing its review of new educational toys and kits now on the market. As before, we have tested all of the kits and make suggestions as to potential hazards or possible improvements in each case.