“Ant farms?’

Arthur sat on the other side of his desk. His countenance was inscrutable. But that was what he’d said, wasn’t it?

“Yes. Clearly. Take it from me.”

“But everything?”

“Traditional investments are faltering. The bubble is going to burst. Real estate, energy, pork bellies. It’s all going to crash.”

Dearest Annelise–

I am truly sympathetic to your difficulties in naming your newest cookbook, and fully understand and support your desire to use a single-word title. Your previous cookbooks–Eat, Bite, Munch, and Devour–sold crisply when they came out, and have continued to do well. As your agent, however, I just don’t think that Masticate works as a title.

Everyone knows that we live in times of violent disagreements and fraying of the social fabric. It is my view that this is substantially caused, and greatly aggravated, by our inability to treat each other decently and with respect no matter how much we might disagree.

In this limited edition of the The Collected Poetry of Algernon Theodore Ruthven you have acquired an example of the very finest techniques and materials available in the making of books today, a fitting tribute to the poetry of this brilliant reclusive poet. 

“A drinking buddy turned me on to these stories.  I looked for the book after we’d been out bar hopping but couldn’t find it.  Barnes and Noble said they could order it.  I didn’t know much about chinchillas before the book arrived.  Fascinating!”