Fake Nonfiction

“Campus Alert System,” by John Carroll and Nick Klinger

Sep 11th, 2013 | By

In March of 2013, O’Brien University in West Newbridge, NJ had its first chance to use an alert system that enabled campus police officers to notify students of emergency situations via text message. Here is the transcript of that incident:

10:53 am
OU ALERT: Armed man has been spotted near campus Taco Bell ®. Find shelter immediately. Campus police arriving at scene.



“Miami Investor Helps Locals in Need,” by H. Lovelyn Bettison

Sep 4th, 2013 | By

In the current economy, many have found it necessary to downsize their living situations. Gone are the days of the ten-thousand-square-foot McMansions. Now people build tiny houses, and try to squeeze all of their belongings into cramped studio apartments.

Daniel Cooper of Miami, Florida recognized this trend early and found a way to take advantage of it. “My buddy Tony was recently down on his luck,” Cooper explains, “He lost his job, his wife, and his house all in the space of a month. Things were getting really rough for him and I couldn’t just stand by and watch without offering to help.”



“The Dedications of the Works of Murphy Rufus Doyle, In Chronological Order,” by Jon Hakes

Aug 28th, 2013 | By

From Laura: A Novel: For Olivia, the love of my life, and my best friend

From Outlandish Badland Justice: A Collection of Short Stories and Vignettes: For Olivia, who has stood beside me through more trials and tribulations than any one person should have to experience



“Rage Yoga: A Beginner’s Guide,” by Katie Burgess

Aug 14th, 2013 | By

For many, yoga is a way to relax and invigorate the mind, body and spirit. But have you ever felt that ordinary yoga isn’t enough? Do you find yourself still tense? Still stressed? Still radiating with a hateful, murderous energy that frightens your friends and loved ones? What you need is Rage Yoga. After studying the art of yoga via DVD for many months, I have come up with my own simple, three-minute program, designed to help you dig deep inside yourself and compress your emotions into a tiny ball of pure poison.



“Brando’d,” by Ken Pisani

Aug 7th, 2013 | By

At a poorly attended Los Angeles gallery exhibition this week of the photographs of little-known celebrity photographer Howard Busgang, one image stood out among the rushed compositions of unwelcome encounters: a heretofore unseen photograph of Marlon Brando with his head in a cast.