I get quite confused by where a comma goes. Does it go here, or there, does it connect an independent clause after or before a conjunction? Does it depend on the conjunction’s politics, smoking habits, or sexual preference? If the conjunction has a history of spousal abuse can it really be trusted with the custody of a dependent clause, and does it deserve the use of a comma? After all, a comma is a privilege, not a right.

I die at seventeen, because I’m currently twenty-one, so dying at seventeen would make me either invincible or the proud owner of a time machine. I’ll go with the latter.

I buy my time machine at forty-four, because you could call predicting a type of four-shadowing. Since I’m smart enough to make that clever little play on words, I’m smart enough to know I won’t be inventing a time machine any time soon.

IF ( stomach = empty )

THEN ( run action: cry )

IF ( stomach = full )

THEN ( run action: poop )

1. Friend of the Devil
2. The Trespasser
3. The Rabbit in the Moon

I have been informed by Orvis and Recreation.gov that fly fishing brings one close to nature. I can see how standing in the middle of a stream would do that. Clearly Orvis and Recreation.gov have in mind a proximity that is more than just physical. Unfortunately, they do not specify. Orvis, however, claims that fly fishing facilitates this proximity by requiring one to mimic prey, whereas Recreation.gov cites fly fishing’s requirements for skill and grace. Curious as to where fly fishing might deliver one, I decided to do some research.