My mother-in-law works near a chicken place that makes some pretty amazing sandwiches, and my eldest son is an expert at convincing her to go and get him one. And my mother-in-law, kindhearted person that she is, always picks up something for me and my wife, too. That’s why she’s awesome. Winslow clearly lives near a similar chicken place. Maybe even the same chicken place? I’m not entirely sure.

Welcome to your favorite chain grocery store! You may notice we’re in a bit of disarray this week. That’s because we’re implementing a fantastic new layout to improve your retail experience. And guess what? We don’t give a fuck what you think about it.                 

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone! I hope your day is filled with smoochin’.

I’m not a fan of the national anthem. Sure, it’s beautiful in the way that ancient things are beautiful. Like when you see an old picture of your grandma, and you say, “Wow, grandma, you sure were pretty. I guess, technically, you’re still pretty compared to other old people.”

I’ve always found the breeding mechanics in the Pokemon games to be hilarious; we’re basically spending hours of video game time waiting for our Pokemon to have sex, and periodically picking up the resulting eggs.