And thence did God see fit to make the top step of the main monastery staircase a little wonky, and he saw that it was wonky, and in terms of health and safety legislation, it wasn’t very good.

‘Mother Superior, on her last visit, almost lost her step’, Brother Hilarious reminded the Head Monk. ‘Do you remember all of those curse words? Never heard anything like it’.

‘Ah yes. The blue nun’, Abbot Skerswell said.

My jogging routine used to be totally normal. After speed walking for a few blocks and then stopping to gasp for air, I would call it quits and Uber back to my apartment to spend the next two days binging marathon training videos.

Derek’s heart pulsed with anticipation as his simple three bedroom ranch house came into view at the far end of the cul-de-sac. “She’s going to be so surprised,” he thought to himself, giggling heartily at the spontaneity of his plan. He had decided yesterday to cut his trip short, booking a flight that would allow him to arrive at home before his wife Katie returned from work. However, as he passed the final row of large hedges and his driveway revealed itself, Derek’s spirits dropped, like a needle onto a record, and his joy slowly deflated.

They had changed the bylaws earlier that year and now every yard on the block had chickens. Alison didn’t know what to do about it. The noise, the stench of it. This was not the country. This was the city! The houses were attached to each other for Chrissakes.

It was uncharacteristically warm the day They came. I’ll always remember that day, because that was the day everything changed.

Of course when I say ‘they’ I mean the space wolves. I don’t know why I’m being so vague.