All entries by this author

“Rainbow Cookie Down,” by Maryann Aita

Jul 11th, 2018 | By

20:47: I arrive home from a friend’s family party with an army of dessert. Despite my declarations that “fifteen cookies is really too much,” I was assigned a slice of peanut butter cake intended to feed three grown men, two rainbow cookies, two cheesecake brownie squares, and a chocolate chip cupcake with cream cheese frosting. In the confusion, I also volunteered to bring home a loaf of French bread.



Nice Eyeball, Eyeball

Jul 6th, 2018 | By

Alternate title: “Scott Summers.”



“What We Learned From Honesty Day,” by Todd Mercer

Jul 4th, 2018 | By

The First Annual Honesty Day was a complete bust. Yes, even I acknowledge that. We all lived through the turmoil, so we all know of what I speak. No one foresaw the tsunami of crushed dreams and ruined marriages and prosecutions.



Buried, But Not Forgotten

Jun 29th, 2018 | By

Winslow likes to set his mistakes on fire, so I figured it would be constructive to show another way in which you, gentle viewer, can deal with adversity. If fire isn’t your thing (and I don’t recommend that one), then maybe burial is a better, less destructive option? I’ll let you decide.



“Society’s Really Gone Downhill since the Apocalypse Happened,” by Daniel Galef

Jun 27th, 2018 | By

I won’t hold no truck with any of this rude bunch, these kids today. No, I may not keep up with technology or current events or the supreme edicts of the inhuman god-emperors, but I stand by the idea that people of my generation were just plain more courteous, and had a modicum of common sense, to boot, which you won’t find one whit of in today’s crowd, I’ll have you know.



Swipe Right As Fast As You Can

Jun 22nd, 2018 | By

Kurt has had a very active dating life, so this particular pairing really doesn’t surprise me at all. This relationship might actually work out as long as he stays away from milk and always carries an umbrella.



“Full Disclosure: I Am a Russian Cyberbot Lurking on Your Social Media,” by Mike Fowler

Jun 20th, 2018 | By

Privyet! Thank you for joining me on Facebook or YouTube. Now let me ask you: have you checked your bank account balance lately, Johnny or Joanna? Your nest egg is at the mercy of a government that may plunge the economy into a depression any day. If I were you, instead of a cyberbot activated by the Kremlin, I’d travel to Washington and storm the offices of the Federal Reserve, causing as much healthy mayhem as possible. Like the ritual of self-outing that you innocent and fun-loving westerners call full disclosure, it’s the American way.



Geode Dude

Jun 15th, 2018 | By

Don’t try this at home, kids.



“Remember me? I’m that BioLet Composting Toilet you got as a Wedding Gift for Your First Marriage,” by Stacy Stevenson

Jun 13th, 2018 | By

It’s not every day a highly specialized composting toilet is purchased as a wedding gift. I mean, nothing says “this marriage is forever!” quite like a composting toilet. But alas, much like seeing undigested corn in my fecal containment area, I was confused by a lot of things in your marriage.



Papercut

Jun 8th, 2018 | By

———– Papercuts are the worst. I gave myself a really nasty one when I was cleaning up my old house as I prepared to move into my new one. I did exactly what Winslow does here: I reached into a box filled with papers without really paying attention and gave myself one helluva papercut. And

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