One Second: This person is in love/lust with you or is feeling guilty for something minor they did that you may perceive as major, or is in some way extremely needy on a cellular level. Could also be auto-reply.

Ten Seconds: This person is a major friend, or perhaps work underling who admires you. It could also be a person who is in love/lust with you who was pausing slightly to encourage you to believe, for one moment, that they are not as much in love/lust with you as you might think they actually are. If work underling—they clearly envy your job and would like to have it.

I’m not running a bed and breakfast here, but I recently purchased some signs both as gentle reminders for myself and also as seeds of information and uplift for potential guests. Not that we like having guests (who does?). But if we do have guests, these may be helpful.

I love you, sunshine. Good morning! Thank you for being there for me every day, to wake me up and warm me and force me to buy overly specific lotions and SPF50. I love you!

Why are you here? Strike that—you don’t have to answer that. It’s what’s called a rhetorical question, obvi. Also obvi: you came here for wisdom, for guidance, for that one little nugget of an insight which you can squirrel away and unleash upon the world in a big way. You came here with a plan, a tablet, a book rearing to go. Maybe it’s werewolves in space. Maybe it’s vampires meets Das Boot—Dracula in a Submarine. Maybe it’s Bambi-grows-up-and-commits-Bambi-patricide. Turns cannibal.