To the wonderful (if not environmentally conscious) residents of Springfield,

You are receiving this email, or letter for those of you who have selfishly failed to switch to e-notices, because the recycling policy regarding what we DO and DO NOT accept has been modified. This policy change is in effect as of the moment you are reading this notice.

Stephen Dorff enters a Mexican bar somewhere in Mexico. It’s sketchy, but it’s clear Stephen Dorff couldn’t care less. He saunters up to the bar, electric cigarette dangling from his lips, and gives the grizzled bartender a look that says, “You know what I want and what I want is a delicious, ultra premium top shelf tequila.” The bartender pours him a shot from a nondescript bottle of tequila. Stephen Dorff glares at him, beyond annoyed. The bartender totally gets it and is like, “Whoa, this guy knows his tequila,” and pours him a shot of ultra-slow filtrated Avión premium tequila.

Friends, supporters, colleagues, distinguished guests… all people I’d rather see than the degenerates and scumbags seated before me now.

Do you sometimes wish you could give your child a magic pill that would permanently build their self-esteem? While that worthy goal may be a long way off, West Windsor resident Dr. Robert Winthrop Yoskovitz believes that he may have discovered the next best thing; even though he’s the first to admit that he’s invented “nothing.”

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