Dear Editor,

This is a letter to the editor because I don’t have money for a classified ad but I still need people to be in my band.

My band is called Elbows in Elevators. Band rehearsals will happen every day in my basement, but we will move into the garage once I sell my piece of crap car.

I am in search of someone who would be willing to shake my hand. As an unemployed potential employee, I read in an article that a firm handshake is “the key to success.” Now, here are some things you need to know before you respond/apply: I have nice hands that I keep very clean by

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