Dear Auntie,

First of all, happy 80th birthday! I hope your social security check arrived. Guess what? Tim and I are having our wedding on August 20. And guess where we’re taking our vows? Koya-san, Japan! It’s the happiest place on Earth. It’s gonna be so cool.

You: Hey hon! Just wondering when you’re getting home, I was thinking we’d do tacos or— Him: Wendy, let me explain something to you. Whenever you call me here and interrupt me, you’re breaking my concentration. You’re distracting me. And it will then take me time to get back to where I was. You understand?

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Thanks for your e-mail. I’m out of the office right now, but I’ll reply as soon as I can. If you require immediate assistance, please contact Nicole Michaels at extension 4235. Your message is important to me.

Note that by “right now” I don’t mean now now, but rather then now, because I’m actually here while I compose this message, but I’ll be gone by the time you receive it, at some future now.

Level 1 – Luigi helps Mario move a broken futon into his new studio apartment. The fridge whines and the walls are decorated with angry fist holes. The landlord plomps by and lets Mario know there’s a problem with his deposit check. It’s a chicken parm cutlet. Mario readies a fireball in his hand. “Not now,” Luigi whispers.

Rotating propeller can cause serious injury or death, Carl. Never approach or use ladder when motor is running, or at least wear a sturdier pair of shoes if you’re going to, because that thing absolutely mutilated your favorite pair of Tevas (the ones you so proudly remind us survived your trip to Peru and the whole goat incident, which is, frankly, pretty unbelievable in the first place) and your actual foot was at very real risk.