The everyday horseless carriage is something many an individual makes use of to live their lives as they trod off to work and perform the duties necessary to keep a house running in tip-top shape. In a perfect world, that’d be all they’d be used for…but it’s not–pretentious jerkbags have decided to use the rear

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This fake movie preview is the natural bridge between the cheesy science fiction movies of the 50s and the so-called “beach party” movies of the early 60s. It has robots! It has bikinis! It has robots wearing bikinis! And since no beach party movie is really a beach party movie without Annette Funicello… it has her, too. Albeit in cartoon form.

The new looks for fall have arrived! This year, the economy being what it is, they’re actually the looks for summer, but with sweaters. Sweaters are very in right now! Try pairing one with the same office-casual shoes you’ve been wearing to work for the last three years, if you still have a job. Speaking of shoes, the ‘re-soled look’ is also very hot this season. There’s nothing like a glimpse of freshly-glued rubber peeping flirtatiously from the bottoms of your worn-out footwear to showcase your sense of style and practicality!

The leash laws in Winslow’s town are very specific. Dogs like George are free to wander the streets without a leash, so long as one or more of their owners are nearby. Abnormally-small-people-not-to-be-confused-with-children-or-dwarves (a term the local law books call ASPNTBCWCODs) are supposed to be leashed whenever they’re outdoors. This law was made specifically for Little Winslow, who is a known biter.

The Toaster

Breadphiles may finally rejoice in this new invention. For years, forced to hold their bread over fire, put it in the oven, or yell at it until it blushed brown with shame, breads fans the world over can now save time and money with what my sources call: “the Toaster.” Compact, lightweight, and able to fit on any countertop, one has to simply place the bread in the machine, depress the mechanical tray, and in minutes, fresh crispy warm toast is ready for whatever sugared spread is local to your town.