On January 1 2003, I made my first and only New Year’s resolution. I resolved that this would be the year that I lost my virginity. It wasn’t an American Pie-esque pact with friends. I didn’t tell anyone or write it down. It was just a solemn vow I whispered to myself. I was seventeen years old and my interactions with girls had been pretty limited. This was largely due to the lifestyle my high school friends and I had fallen into, which was not entirely conducive to sexual conquests. It was more conducive to the life of a eunuch.

To this very day, I STILL don’t understand why “Dubya” was even compared to Hitler. In his entire eight years as president, not ONCE did the man even attempt to grow a mustache.

Today’s strip is based on a joke you may have heard before: Two muffins are baking in an oven. The first muffin turns to the second and says, “Is is hot in here, or is it just me?” And the second muffin says, “Holy shit, a talking muffin!”

If you hadn’t heard that joke before, I’ve just added muffiny richness to your joke repertoire. You’re welcome.

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Originally, last week’s comic was going to contain both the witches AND the results of their potion, but the idea was too long to put into a single strip. So I split it up. Also, I have no idea why I decided to draw a kitten in Winslow’s pants. It just felt like the right thing to do, you know? Winslow likes cats, so I don’t think he really minds.