Woke up 7:33 a.m. Urinated, got the coffee maker going.

Hold it. Let me clarify—the urine didn’t get the coffee maker going. I switched the coffee maker on with my hands. After getting out of bed and before turning on the coffee maker, I urinated—in the toilet.

I stood and watched it make coffee. The coffee maker, not the toilet. That would be something, though, wouldn’t it?

The everyday horseless carriage is something many an individual makes use of to live their lives as they trod off to work and perform the duties necessary to keep a house running in tip-top shape. In a perfect world, that’d be all they’d be used for…but it’s not–pretentious jerkbags have decided to use the rear

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This fake movie preview is the natural bridge between the cheesy science fiction movies of the 50s and the so-called “beach party” movies of the early 60s. It has robots! It has bikinis! It has robots wearing bikinis! And since no beach party movie is really a beach party movie without Annette Funicello… it has her, too. Albeit in cartoon form.

The new looks for fall have arrived! This year, the economy being what it is, they’re actually the looks for summer, but with sweaters. Sweaters are very in right now! Try pairing one with the same office-casual shoes you’ve been wearing to work for the last three years, if you still have a job. Speaking of shoes, the ‘re-soled look’ is also very hot this season. There’s nothing like a glimpse of freshly-glued rubber peeping flirtatiously from the bottoms of your worn-out footwear to showcase your sense of style and practicality!

The leash laws in Winslow’s town are very specific. Dogs like George are free to wander the streets without a leash, so long as one or more of their owners are nearby. Abnormally-small-people-not-to-be-confused-with-children-or-dwarves (a term the local law books call ASPNTBCWCODs) are supposed to be leashed whenever they’re outdoors. This law was made specifically for Little Winslow, who is a known biter.