Every summer, ants find new ways into my house, and every summer I’m reduced to chemical warfare. While spraying ant killer under the kitchen sink a few weeks ago, I though, “Wouldn’t it be nice if I had some way to scare the ants away, without having to spray chemicals all over my house?” One thing led to another, and this comic was born.

5:00a: Wake-up in a cold sweat with acute nausea. Ask yourself for the 53,732,481 time if this is what you want to do. Tell yourself enthusiastically: “Yes, of course! Getting married has been my top priority since I was baby with formless thoughts.” Go back to sleep, relieved.

7:30a: Wake up for real, take a shower and welcome your bridesmaids. Ask Bridesmaid #1 why she brought a travel container of Starbucks blend coffee, when you, the bride, requested a tallskinnyvanillalatte. When she starts to cry, tell her it’s okay – but, roll your eyes, so she knows that it actually is not okay.

For your Sunday amusement… a comic!

This is an incredibly stupid portmanteau, but my son thought the idea was pretty cool. He calls it a “dinosaur car.”

You won’t believe this, but I, Alison Burke, lover of freedom and freedom fries, has stumbled upon a major discovery. The happy accident occurred while visiting the boudoir of the Pentagon, where hidden beneath the bald eagle skin rug, in front of a roaring (non-subsidized) fire, I found a treasure confiscated by the Navy Seals:

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