To whom it may concern,

I have always marveled at the wondrous mystery of outer space. I stand agape, gazing heavenward at the stars, those flaming spheres of plasma whose energy radiates throughout the universe as the result of the complex process of hydrogenate thermonuclear fusion. I am enthralled by the precise intricacy of our solar system and the elaborate interconnection between gravity and mass, solar wind and interplanetary dust. The expansive and limitless universe boggles my mind, and I am continually dumbfounded by what a small role the human species plays in the grand scheme of life.

This is why the Miss Universe Pageant is so blatantly unfair. How can you call it “Miss Universe” when the only planet represented in the competition is Earth?

Andrew: How are you today, Steve?

Steve: Good morning, Andrew. I’d like to say, first off, hat I’ve followed your career intently, even after that “incident” when so many of your air-weather friends shunned you.

Andrew: Yeah. I won’t miss Eileen, either.

This comic is based on a conversation I had with a coworker earlier this week. The conversation started as a discussion about politicians and global warming, but that quickly became boring. So instead, the conversation turned to politicians and Bigfoot.

I guess you’d call me an Antarctic beauty. The term Antarctic beauty is usually used to describe women who have lived in the Antarctic and return to civilization with an inflated ego and unnatural abundance of self-esteem. Obviously, there are not a lot of women who choose to live in the Antarctic. As a result, the ones that do tend to get a great deal more attention than they may be used to in their non-Antarctic lives. A woman’s popularity, then, is primarily due to the fact that she is not a penguin. The same phenomenon applies to female-attendees of comic book conventions.

I am totally ALL ABOUT MLP-FiM! Have you seen it yet? It. Is. AMAZERBEAM.

Remember the 80s? I don’t because of hypnotherapy, but I’m pretty sure I was all about My Little Pony then, because they glitter and have pretty hair and also they were ponies. And now all of that is true AGAIN, but, like, in MODERN TIMEZ. Some people say that remaking cartoons from the 80s is lame, but those people are POOP because no one hates ponies. Or unicorns. Or pegasuseses. Or OMG COMBINATION OF THE TWO!!!1!!