You can’t see me, but I’m rubbing my hands together with sinister glee. Maybe I’m just excited to share this month’s issue of Defenestration with you. Or maybe I’m giddy about leaving this disastrous year behind. Or maybe I’m convinced that time is cyclical and that David Bowie will reappear sometime in early January. Okay, so maybe it’s all three. But this is Defenestration, so let’s talk about that, shall we?
Summer has come and gone. Vacations have ended, and schools are gearing up for another year of drudgery. Pools are being filled with dogs, then drained of water (and dogs). Birds are flying back to wherever the heck they normally fly to. Fireflies, too. Also aliens. These are sad, depressing times. But at least we have a new issue of Defenestration to keep us company in the weeks ahead.
Well, well, well, what have we here? Has another issue of beloved humor magazine Defenestration crawled ashore to lay its eggs? I think it has!
I think Eileen would agree with me that editing this magazine has, on the whole, been an immensely positive experience. We get to read a lot of fiction, nonfiction, and poetry–most of it never before published, and some never before seen by another magazine or editor. That’s a cool experience. A humbling one, certainly. And it’s one of the things I love about editing Defenestration.
But the world can’t be sausages and rainbows all the time.
Welcome to another issue of Defenestration, and the last issue until next year. And what a year it’s been. Defenestration has been around for 12 years now, and I can honestly say that this year saw a major shift in the number and the quality of the work we’ve received. Our slush pile has never before been filled with so many experienced writers, comedians, magazine editors, actors… the list was really staggering, and on more than one occasion I felt overwhelmed by it all. Eileen and I have had the opportunity to read a lot of really good fiction, nonfiction, and poetry this year, and while not everyone made it onto the site this year, I really hope everyone comes back and tries us again. We do this because we enjoy it, and you make our self-imposed tasks a lot easier by sending us such great material.
Welcome, welcome, one and all, to (arguably one of) the happiest places on Earth (or at least the electronic version of Earth). It’s time to unleash the August 2015 issue of Defenestration into the cyber realm, so sit back, ready your reading digits, and prepare to be amused.
Welcome, welcome, to the April 2015 issue of Defenestration, marking our 12th volume in this ridiculously long-running magazine of ridiculousness!
I’m not going to write a particularly long editorial this month because my computer is on its deathbed and doesn’t like to run for more than 20 minutes at a time before freezing up or crashing. You can’t trust technology, but you also can’t live without it. Or you at least can’t convince yourself that you can’t live without it. There’s a powerful message hidden in there, but I’m too lazy to find it. I’ll just be content with rushing through this editorial before the computer explodes. Can I write two more paragraphs? Read on and find out!
This is it, folks. The December 2014 issue of Defenestration. Smell it. Savor it.
Eileen and I don’t think about themes when we’re holding onto stuff during our reading periods. We just grab the stuff we like and throw it in a pile to look at later. But I don’t know… sometimes I think we’re either operating on a similar plane of existence or that the submitters have tapped into some hive mind of creativity, because sometimes we end up with a very clear theme.
This month is filled with monsters and misunderstood creatures.
Summer is coming to an end. And that can only mean one (important) thing: The August 2014 issue of Defenestration is here!
The August issue is always the hardest to put together. The winds of literary magic don’t blow very strong in late August, so we’re forced to accumulate magic through other, more labor-intensive means. We have to plan for this in advance. Eileen, for example, takes a trip to Ireland every summer to collect leprechaun feces (also known as “leprechuano”). We have to sacrifice three times as many unicorns, and it’s always a pain getting enough of them. Not to mention all the manticore tears that need to be bottled, all the demons that need to be castrated, and all the wizard bile that needs to be picked up from our cannery in North Carolina and shipped back to Defenestration HQ. And this happens before we even choose the content for the issue!
So. Here were are at last.
It’s time for the April 2014 issue of Defenestration, everyone! Last year Eileen and I took a break from the magazine to rest our fragile bodies and minds. Three months in a chemical bath and several cybernetic upgrades later, we reopened Defenestration to submissions and got back to work. The response was truly humbling. We started getting submissions immediately–and so many were awesome that we ended up holding on to more for consideration than we ever had before. That made choosing the content for this issue a little more difficult than usual, but Eileen and I are professionals and know how to handle these sorts of things. (We never resort to violence, unless that doesn’t work and we’re forced to resort to violence.
Ten years, you guys. This October, Defenestration will be ten years old!
Have any of you ever read slush? Have you ever read slush for ten years straight? After so long a time, Eileen’s lucky to still have her sanity, and I’m lucky to still have my sanity and my rakish good looks. But the slush is wearing us down, and we’re quickly becoming editors on the edge. We don’t sleep well. We don’t eat well. Our nerves have been rubbed raw. I have literally—literally—seen Eileen turn into a Tyrannosaurus over seemingly insignificant things. The other day she almost leveled an IHOP after finding an uneven distribution of blueberries in her blueberry pancakes. This sort of destruction cannot continue no matter how awesome and no matter how many views the resulting videos on YouTube attain.