Prose

“I Am The Piano,” by R.D. Ronstad

Feb 27th, 2019 | By

I wanted to learn one song on the piano. A single song from beginning to end, no slip-ups. Why? Because it was there—like Mount Everest was for George Mallory. The moment I laid eyes on my nephew’s new Yamaha Clavinova CLP-625, I knew exactly what George meant.



“So, You Wanna Unravel A Whole Roll of Toilet Paper?: The Joys of Potty Training,” by J. Lynn M. McFadden

Feb 20th, 2019 | By

I imagine potty training a toddler is super fun for all of us, but I must say, it’s especially enjoyable for mamas like me, whose children are mommy’s girls to the fullest extent of the definition, girls who have unwaveringly decided that daddies are unfit to accompany them to the john for a front row seat of these festivities, the most sacred of moments, which in my experience, go something like this: “Potty! Potty!”



“Are you free this Saturday? You’re an attractive single, and I’m a weekly college book club,” by Daniel Galef

Feb 13th, 2019 | By

I’m sure you’ve noticed me around the halls. I know you’re curious. I am, too. You’re funny, and charming, and you’re smart (which is how I know we’ll really click). You have a lot of fantastic qualities you could bring, if you were interested, to someone like me: Fiction Fanatix, the MSU bimonthly student book club.



“The Lincoln-Douglas Twitter War,” by Jon Sindell

Feb 6th, 2019 | By

The concluding tweets of the seventh and final day of the Lincoln-Douglas Twitter War …



“L’Atelier Adventure,” by David Schneider

Jan 30th, 2019 | By

Several years ago my wife’s employer–a multi-millionaire businessman–gifted us with an evening at Atelier, an exclusive bistro catering to the trendy and peculiar tastes of the upper crust in the nation’s capital. Atelier specializes in pairing marvelous wines with superb, cryogenic cuisine prepared by a bevy of highly skilled, hypermodern New Age chefs. Cryogenic cooking, to the uninitiated, means rendered sanitary by immersing in liquid nitrogen (compressed sea fog we later decided). The waiting time for a reservation is measured in months and a well-heeled sponsor is needed since you must produce notarized evidence of substantial net worth to obtain one.