Fake Nonfiction

“Are You Familiar with the Hemingway Editor?” by Yasmina Din Madden

Jan 25th, 2017 | By

ROUND ONE COMMENTS “Lunch of Champions” by User4901

5.8.16 2:49pm
I found a few places where there were lots of unnecessary words. I think a lot of words need to be cut, only leaving the words that move your story along. You have the makings of a good story, just revise so there are fewer words. Hope I’ve helped!

“Understanding the Solar Power vs. Wind Power vs. Magic Power Debate,” by Luke Roloff

Jan 18th, 2017 | By

Since the dawn of man, we’ve passionately debated which alternative energy source is best. On and on it goes, boring as hell. Always leading back to one place. Sitting Indian style in a semi-circle asking ourselves, once we’ve blown through all the oil, what’s the best way to make more oil?

“Dear Contributor, We Apologize for the Two-Thousand-Year Late Reply, but We Are Unable to Accept Your Article at This Time,” by Daniel Galef

Jan 4th, 2017 | By

Dear Sir or Madam or most likely a disintegrating heap of bleached bones,

The editorial board of the Libri Paginarum Minimarum Herculanei thank you for the opportunity to review your submission, but regret to inform you that we cannot include your piece, “Ten Reasons Emperor Titus Will Be Nothing Like His Father (Titus Will Definitely Crucify Me for Number Eight),” in Volume XVIII of our publication, which, incidentally, no longer exists and has not existed for some twenty centuries.

“Terms of Use For This Story,” by Steven Berger

Dec 28th, 2016 | By


“New Apps for Agoraphobes and Homebodies,” By Glenn Orgias

Dec 7th, 2016 | By

For the Ethically Minded Agoraphobe: an app which shows you the species of monkey that your current anxiety medication was tested on, and what happened to each of those monkeys and how they are doing now, and when they are going to be allowed to go back to the forest—with before and after pictures.

“Dear Neighbor: A Dialogue on the Kantian Ethics of Your Loud Motorcycle,” by Ryan Whalen

Nov 30th, 2016 | By

Your motorcycle is a badge of freedom. Those leather and chrome accoutrements accentuate just how free you are. Free to reject the mainstream and ride your own path. Admittedly, it is a path crowded somewhat by all the other aging leather-clad weekend warriors refusing to conform, but it is your path nonetheless.

“Times You Embarrassed Your Monkey,” by Lee Blevins

Nov 23rd, 2016 | By

The time you dressed your monkey in that lil’ devil costume in the middle of July even though his tail required more room than the interior of that lil’ foam pitchfork provided.

The time you agreed to a second playdate for your monkey and your best friend’s monkey even after your best friend’s monkey refused to return the favor when your monkey picked all the fleas and ticks off his spoiled little back.

“Drugs, Sex, and a Live Podcast Recording,” by Bethany Marcel

Nov 16th, 2016 | By

This live podcast recording is going to be so epic. The anticipation is palpable, and we’re sufficiently prepared to be both dazzled and rocked. We’ve been waiting six months for the tour dates to be announced and now that we know they’re coming here—here, of all places—we’re about to politely lose our minds.

“An Open Letter to Charlotte A. Cavatica,” by Elisabeth Dahl

Nov 9th, 2016 | By

Dear Charlotte,

Like the rest of us arachnids, when I was a baby spider, I looked up to you. Before I could even embalm a fly on my own, I’d heard about your barnyard heroics.

“Advanced Mother-in-Lawing: Under-handed Methods for Maintaining the Upper Hand,” by Mickie Winkler

Oct 26th, 2016 | By

Who is the most reviled human being? Who is the brunt of the unkindest jokes? The title gives us away. It’s the mother-in-law.

In this lecture I will not propose that we mother-in-laws feebly protest our bad reputation. Hell no. I say, let’s get born again into society’s stereotype. Let’s use it to get the benefits we so obviously deserve. Above all, let’s help our children expunge those feelings of guilt towards us now, while we’re living, rather than suffer those unfixable feelings of guilt when we’re gone.