Fake Nonfiction

“I Said I Would Get a Vasectomy, But…” by Gwen Summers

Jan 19th, 2022 | By

I have two amazing little children with my beautiful wife. We always said we wanted to have a boy and a girl. And we got them! They are healthy, perfect. I said I would get a vasectomy, but you never know, we’re so young.

“Dear Valued Team Member: We Are Replacing Your 401K Plan with Powerball Lottery Tickets,” by Chris Eno McMahon

Jan 5th, 2022 | By

Our Company is always on the lookout for innovative ways to keep your employee benefits current and competitive. That’s why we’re pleased to announce the following changes to your benefits package.

“Dear Santa,” by J.D. Harlock

Dec 25th, 2021 | By

Dear Santa,

Last Christmas, I laid out some (home-made) chocolate chip cookies with a tall glass of (skimmed) milk by the chimney.

I spent the entire day baking them.

Just for you. 

“Think Outside the Toilet Plume: Nix Those Hidden Hidden Health Hazards,” by David Guaspari

Dec 15th, 2021 | By

Like Thick‑Tailed Spitting Scorpions biding their time under rocks in the Transvaal scrubland, Hidden Health Hazards lurk in every nook and most crannies of our environment. Steadily increasing in range, stealth, and lethality, they have also become ever more accessible, affordable, and fun—leaving scientists at a loss to explain why anyone is still alive.

“Announcing the Closure of the Lavender Town Pokémon Center,” by Darren Incorvaia

Dec 8th, 2021 | By

The Kanto Division of Pokémon Healthcare International regrets to inform you that we are closing the Lavender Town Pokémon Center, effective immediately. Closing your local Pokémon hospital was a tough decision, but given the Center’s low profits, our current financial situation, and the stock market’s recent shift from a Tauros market to a Teddiursa market, we feel it’s the correct one.