Fake Nonfiction

“Baffling Historical Coincidences,” by Daniel Galef

May 27th, 2020 | By

In the year 1858, a young Oliver Booth, brother of John Wilkes, saved the son of future president Abraham Lincoln from being crushed between two railway cars.



“A Message from Your Skin,” by Doug Gower

May 6th, 2020 | By

Skin, I’m waterproof.  That’s a feature not emphasized enough when we extol the wonders of this 360-degree, wraparound envelope of living flesh that you exist inside. 



“A Scientific Explanation of Why It’s Not Our Fault That The Neighborhood Squirrels Started Eating Coffee Beans,” by Prisca Bejjani

Apr 29th, 2020 | By

Dear Neighborhood, 
We just wanted to let you know that the potentially erratic behavior of the neighborhood squirrels is completely unrelated to our having dumped a bag of coffee beans in our compost. It was a low quality brand presented to us from our in-laws, but, being the environmentally conscious people we are, we are composting instead of trashing them.



“Humanize Maybe?” by Tim Miller

Apr 15th, 2020 | By

Not all that long ago, I attended a professional development session at my school with the purpose of the training to address the following question: What to do in the event of an active shooter?

Nothing is remotely funny or humorous about active shooters and the reality that public schools need to train their employees for the potential of such an event.

However. There was something that I did in fact find humorous during the training.



“I’m Dating Hamlet,” by Francine Witte

Apr 1st, 2020 | By

It’s okay, I’ve dated worse.

Yes, I know he’s fictional. Yes, I know that’s a flaw.