All entries by this author

“The New Week,” by Arthur White

Jun 19th, 2024 | By

Our antiquated names for the days of the week are hopelessly irrelevant and should’ve been replaced sometime during the reign of Charlemagne.  It’s true that we still have a sun and a moon (or Mon) but we only think of the moon when making love en plein air and we only think of the sun when it’s too hot or has gone AWOL because it’s January.  We might vaguely remember Woden and Thor (garbled into Wed and Thur) from Norse mythology, but, have you ever given them a serious thought?  How did a good Roman like Saturn wander in among these horn-hatted Vikings?  Anyway, can you name a classical deity more obscure than Saturn?  As for “Tue” and “Fri,” I neither know nor care who they are.  Perhaps they used to be worshipped in the Seychelles Islands.

“The Devil Next Door,” by Lorri McDole

Jun 12th, 2024 | By

When I moved to Seattle from a small town two hours south, I loved looking out my window and seeing evidence of other people: blinking marquee lights, flickering TV screens, the line of cars crawling up and down Queen Anne Hill. The people whom, barring a catastrophe, I would never have to know. I inherited this worldview—that the best neighbors were strangers who stayed that way—from my mom.

“‘Of course I’m Italian!’ Claims Non-Italian Actress Mia to Casting Director,” by Zoé Mahfouz

Jun 5th, 2024 | By

“I don’t know why they didn’t hire me. I was perfect for the Italian lady role. I told them I was Italian and they have no way to verify that information, especially if my mom is Italian and she took my father’s name which would explain why my last name isn’t Italian!” stated up-and-coming actress Mia in fury while getting her forehead Botox injections.

“Former Sir Leicester’s Five Rules of Business,” by Jesper Soerensen

May 29th, 2024 | By

Former Sir Leicester is in town. His entry from the UK was uncharacteristically low-key compared to his spectacular entrances at ribbon-cutting ceremonies and trade shows. He did not arrive in a hot air balloon or on an elephant’s back, as we have seen him do before. He simply landed at the airport on a jet plane like any other mortal being. He flew the plane himself, though, being a certified pilot.

“Memo From Your Overworked P.R. Agent on How to Be Famous,” by Liz Rosen

May 22nd, 2024 | By

First of all, ditch the checkbook. It’s on-line bill-paying with a credit card from our office from now on. That signature of yours is worth something now, so we can’t have it floating around. Plus, if some ass-wipe from nowhere can rip off your payment to your telephone company to pay their own bill, just imagine what a determined Chinese hacker can do.