When Eddie electrocuted himself dead leaving a burnt image of Jesus on his left hand, it was faintly ironic for two reasons: one, he was doing something nice for somebody else at the time, which was out of character to start with; two, nobody had expected him to live long enough to do something nice for somebody else and subsequently electrocute himself.

Dear Applicant,

We have taken your application to register yourself as the sole owner and proprieter of a portion of Hungarian history, specifically 1820-1849, under consideration for inclusion in the Registry of Intangibles.

Two things we have in abundance

Medications and Lawsuits

Imagine a pill that gives you coverage for life, home, auto, and health. You take this pill and that’s it. You’re covered.

An early homo sapien sapiens skeleton was found in a cave in Luxembourg clutching a small rectangular device with a smooth dark screen. It was wrapped, quite literally, in the skin of an otter.

An ancient Egyptian mummified in one of the more modest pyramids was dissected by the British Museum in 1924. The mummy had a tattoo of a butterfly on her lower back.

Congratulations on your new job with the Carter Pool Cleaning Company. We take pride in two things here at Carter: extraordinarily clean pools and no sex with our customers. This is a guarantee and it’s one we take very seriously. It’s what differentiates us from our competitors.