“10 Ways Not to Like a Thing,” by Nolan Yard
Apr 11th, 2018 | By Defenestration
1. Before you try not to like it, already make up your mind that you will not like it—this makes it so much easier.
Prose
“Universe Hoppers, My Brethren,” by Maura Yzmore
Apr 4th, 2018 | By Defenestration I leave the pharmacy, wiping off snot with my sleeve, my head stuffier than a high-school locker room. I carry nose drops, antihistamines, and the good decongestant for which I must flash my driver’s license because lesser meth cooks than Walter White use it as raw material.
“Upper Middle Classhole,” by Alec Carvlin
Mar 28th, 2018 | By Defenestration
“Mommy, Daddy, are we middle class?” My eyes sparkled with hope.
“Yes, dear,” they answered. “We are.” And then we went out for ice cream to celebrate the fact that we could afford it.
“How to Avoid Getting Asked to Be a Bridesmaid,” by Cassie Title
Mar 21st, 2018 | By Defenestration First, be antisocial. In kindergarten, when the teacher asks you to share crayons and play nicely with the other children, don’t. There’s no point. You don’t want to be friends with these fools who pick their noses and use their booger-smothered fingers to touch your back when you all play tag at recess. In fact, make sure you don’t play tag at recess.
“The 5 Most Common Obstacles You’ll Encounter When Transporting Nitroglycerin Across the South American Rainforest (and How to Handle Them): A Field Guide,” by Tyler Austin and Patrick Eme
Mar 14th, 2018 | By Defenestration 1. Exploding Cargo: This ought to be your biggest concern, as the slightest vibration could lead to you being devoured in a hellish inferno. This is both frequently fatal and deeply inconvenient.