Thank You in Response to Condolences Offered

Dear Purveyor of Condolences,

Thank you for your gesture of condolence. I’m sure your heart was in the right place and if you think you did enough, I guess that’s all that matters.

Thanks again,

Mourner

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I’m sure you all think that you know what it means to be a walker. After all, you tell me, “Emanuel, after all, I tell you, walking is just putting two feet and two legs in front of the other again and again until a walking motion is developed!” And this is true enough, I suppose—of walking at its most basic level. However, a True Walker (capital T, capital W) knows the difference between the “dabblers of walk” and the more serious Walking Professionals.

The practice of medicine is not as complicated as many people make it out to be. It’s not brain surgery. At least not usually. Have you ever watched Mystery Diagnosis? Dissected a fruit fly? Made your spouse wait for you while you reprogrammed your cell phone? See, I told you so. You know more about performing a quadruple bypass than many ophthalmologists, and they went to medical school.

MS. BLACK. Good morning everyone. I hereby call the Subcommittee on Government Organization, Efficiency, and Financial Management to order. I see that all the members are present and accounted for, so let’s begin.

I recognize myself for an opening statement.

We have been assembled today to review an unprecedented, highly worrisome, and seemingly impossible development. According to a study published by the Gallup Poll last week, Congress’ already abysmally low approval rating has dropped into the negatives for the first time in history.