Fake Nonfiction

“Grabby ‘Clowny’ Dabbles—Commander Shakewell’s Lucky Asshole,” by Denny Green

Apr 9th, 2014 | By

America’s Version of the Great Laugholio, Grabby Dabbles was the first truly great twisting-as-he-goes-there clown, as well as the first half-near-sighted, pigeon-toed clown with a widow’s peak, nut allergies and chronic phlegm star of the circus. Grabby Dabbles was born in the, then seaside, city of Sugarbone in 1809, though some records, viewed upside-down, indicate that he was born in 6081. Grabby’s first appearance as a circus clown was in St. Solution, Bamalama in 1830, at 45¢ a week.



“Thank You For Choosing Amtrak. My Wife Just Left Me.” by Eric K. Auld

Apr 2nd, 2014 | By

Hello, hello, hello, folks! Hope you’re all swell on this brisk winter evening. This is the Amtrak 449 Lake Shore Limited train from Boston, Massachusetts to Chicago, Illinois. My name is Phil, and my wife just left me.



“31 Self-Help Books for Niche Markets,” by Erik Cofer and Clay Watts

Mar 12th, 2014 | By

Find Your Inner Hate (And Other Great Ways to Become a More Empowered Bigot)

Getting Out of the Seedy World of Guerrilla Knitting

Help! I’m Up and I Can’t Fall Down: Teaching Yourself the Fine Art of Falling in Order to Guilt Your Over-Privileged Adult Children Into Paying More Attention to You Despite Having Their Own Busy Lives



“Can’t yelp* Myself,” by Nancy Katt

Mar 5th, 2014 | By

NotMyMother*****She’s an amazing girl! She’s gorgeous, smart, funny, stunning, brilliant. I don’t know why she can’t find a man.

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“Excerpts from The Bilderberg Group Cookbook,” by Christopher Winter

Feb 26th, 2014 | By

Every year at the winter solstice, members of the so-called “Bilderberg Group,” an enigmatic collective of elite figures from the worlds of finance, technology, and domination, gather at a unknown location to confer on matters of the highest consequence. The content of these discussions, rumored to amount to a shadow world government, can never be revealed.