The sheer amount of electricity required to power the volume of television I consumed as a child could have caused rolling blackouts in the average third world nation.

Now, I know what you’re thinkin’: “The best red velvet cake? Can’t be the best, what about Little Debbie?”

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love me a Little Debbie cake, as much as the next red-blooded southerner. But this recipe, passed down to me by my meemaw, Dorothy Birdie, is better than anything Little Debbie could bake. It’s sure to delight anyone come round for tea.

Winslow got into a fight with some poison ivy. The poison ivy won.

99 bottles of fear on the wall, 99 bottles of fear, take one down and pass it around, 100 bottles of fear on the wall. 

Don’t mind me, folks. Just having an existential crisis.