As I type this, the neighbors are still firing off fireworks. In the morning, the ground will be littered with the charred corpses of what remains of their late-night fireworks displays. It’s the same every year. No one’s tried to become a human firework yet, but I expect it’s only a matter of time. Winslow’s still trying to perfect it.

You have reached the product help line of the Excellent Egress Corporation. Please select the product for which you require assistance: The Albert Pierrepoint Hangman’s Caboodle, complete with a 13 foot length of 3/4″ diameter Vintage Italian silk hemp rope, bound with Chamois leather to avoid chafing the skin. The Ernest Hemingway Monte Carlo B

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And thus concludes Winslow’s reign of editorial terror… OR DOES IT? Yes, it does. Oh, Pooh Bear…

Oh, the great comedy of errors that is the office. If anyone told me having a career would be like this, I would have pulled a Thoreau, found my own Walden’s Pond and happily starved to death within two weeks.

Hey dude. I know you don’t know me very well, but surely you remember meeting me at our college’s a cappella cabaret in 2009? Sandra Ortiz and Brad Henley were sitting between us, but I remember finding your joke about asthma very funny. I’ve always thought of you as smart and confident, despite your cartoonish looks and average talent. You’re someone I’ve always envied for your mysterious ability to “get it” or “get by.”