Before anyone asks: Yes, Winslow was at a resort called “Lovers’ Retreat” by himself. It was an educational experience.

On your last math test you answered several questions correctly but deliberately tried to erase your steps toward finding the answers. You are clearly a genius. So when I received your “Dogs are the Best” story I was excited to read it at lunch, while smoking in my car. I loved it.

Who’s excited for the upcoming 50 Shades of Grey movie? Only a few more weeks to go before you have to avoid asking your mom if she’s seen any great films recently. Personally, I’ll be avoiding eye contact for months.

Man Down the Hall leaves his place three times a day, carrying nothing as he crosses the parking lot to his indistinct car. The first outing occurs around 9:00 a.m. and lasts about fifteen minutes, after which he returns with a disposable hot drink cup, presumably filled with coffee. The cup’s logo is yet to be determined. The matter has not been investigated with binoculars.

Dear Duke Thomas Wakefield,

I much appreciate the invitation to the racetrack for opening day. The grand spectacle of domesticated stallions galloping across the groomed track is most enjoyable. The glee brought from viewing the spectacular mammals outweighs the discomfort brought on by the sweating mass of working class would be rioters in attendance.