I don’t typically like to do topical humor, but I’ve wanted to chop Spider-Man into pieces and give one of more of his body parts for Winslow to play with for several years now, and the recent Spider-Man news seemed like the perfect opportunity to play out that fantasy scenario.

Prologue

The president has been kidnapped by ninjas. Blade and Striker are called upon to rescue President Ronnie.

They wouldn’t have called if they’d heard the news.

Blade must fight off the ninjas, rescue President Ronnie, and some how, some way, go on.

Alone.

I sat on this idea for a long time, waiting for 50 Shades of Gray to show up in theaters. And so here we are, a million years later, with a comic full of puns and cleverly wrought punctuation and sexual crayons.

THE CREATION

In the beginning God created Adam and Eve. And I know Grandpa is always saying how it’s Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve, but keep in mind that Grandpa’s mind isn’t what it used to be, and we love your uncles Steve and Ronald very much.

Let me tell you, folks: telling a small child that their parents are mortal is one of the cruelest things you can possibly do.