Quentin Sadguy deserves your pity. But there are some folks who deserve it more.

“Hello…911?”

“Yes. You have reached SORI, the Safety Outreach Response Initiator. I am the screening and dispatch coordinator of your local police, fire, and ambulance services. Do you require immediate assistance?”

“Well, no, I tried calling earlier, but I got the wrong—”

“You may have contacted a multi-national technology corporation that has a partially-eaten fruit as its logo.”

WARNING! This comic contains all sorts of nasty curse words, like [censored], and [censored], and even [censored]. It says [censored] twice!

You know you’re getting older because you are aging, and because you are aging, surely you have noticed how difficult it can be to force yourself out of bed each morning. Do not mistake this feeling of lethargy as some sort of warning sign from your body. This new age tendency to portray fatigue as some kind of physical ailment is a bunch of hogwash. Low iron levels are a myth, and any sweat producing exercise can lead to a severe imbalance in your body’s humors.

My wife’s been talking about gluten a lot lately. Or rather, she’s been talking about things that don’t have gluten in them. But let’s face it, folks: unless you have an actual medical reason for not eating gluten (which is in practically everything, including food), then you should probably eat it. Because bread is delicious.