All entries by this author

Fairy Jelly

Jul 15th, 2016 | By

The Legend of Zelda games are always weird because the people you talk to always expect you to have an empty bottle with you. The grocery store doesn’t expect me to have my own bottle when I want to buy water or milk or soda, but they haven’t figured out how to mass produce bottles in Hyrule. There’s usually only like three of the stupid things in the whole country. Winslow clearly would find ways around these obvious storage deficiencies.



“Sinking Relationship,” by John Branning

Jul 13th, 2016 | By

My wife Carol said something really sweet and profound to me the other day. I wish I’d muted the TV long enough to catch it all.

Carol starts every day by saying, “I love you.” I respond by asking her who she’s on the phone with.



It’s Dangerous To Go Alone

Jul 8th, 2016 | By

Word to the wise: Any store that only has three items on display is bound to have extra stuff behind the counter. It’s just a matter of knowing what you want. This particular store may look like it specializes in keys and candles and empty bottles, but the owner secretly sells organs on the black market. Sweet, delicious organs. Winslow likes eating them on the spot, but it’s much better to put the hearts into a container to eat back home.



Taco Bellerophon

Jul 1st, 2016 | By

Taco Bellerophon sells some really Greece-y tacos. Just sayin’.



“Just a Few of the Many Functions of My Manly Watch,” Nicholas Roth

Jun 29th, 2016 | By

#13: Day / night indicator, indicates whether it is day or night in the vicinity where you are. You must first set dial “B” though, so that the watch knows which time zone you are in and dial “E” so that it knows whether or not your zone uses daylight savings time. One way to check whether you have correctly set dials “B” and “E” is by going outside and looking at the sky. You may also utilize a window looking toward the outdoors for this same purpose if one is available.