Some people wake up with headaches, or colds, or upset stomachs. Winslow wakes up with coconut palms and castaways and a mouthful of tiny fish.

The recent increase in smartphone usage and the upsurge in the popularity of ebooks and the many forums dedicated to discussing and enjoying books and literature have contributed to the growing concern about reading. Studies by many medical professionals have linked reading to many dangerous activities such as temporarily ignoring reality, using imagination, calling attention to real-world issues, becoming attached to characters, creating theories and critically analyzing stories, and using already generated work to inspire so-called “fan-work” to express appreciation.

One thing new parents don’t really think about is the breast pump. Seriously. It’s easy to understand the concept of breastfeeding, but many people fail to realize that moms are producing milk all the time, whether the baby is hungry or not.

1. Be born, and given an unremarkable name with some slight variation that makes it difficult to spell or pronounce.

2. Have a birthday party at a young age in which you’re the centre of attention. Crave this attention for the rest of your life.

3. Endure family issues throughout your childhood, preferably with your father.

Sometimes you need to step back and be a little absurd.