Dear Student,

I regret to inform you I cannot accept your homework. I am aware it is due today, but I don’t think you clearly grasp the purpose of homework. Allow me to explain it more fully to you.

Homework is defined as a set of tasks or assignments that are to be completed outside of class. Pay attention to the phrases outside of class and the word home in homework.

The world is infested with clowns, so it shouldn’t surprise anyone that there are clown lawyers running around.

“Important section” surrounded by little hearts and stars.

Approximate time to discovery: Never.
Chance of termination upon discovery: High

Not enough people have maple syrup fountains incorporated into their tombstones. This troubles me. I think about it a lot.

Breathe. You’ve been jolted. Your heart palpitations and sudden flashbacks to the worst six years of your life are perfectly appropriate responses. After all, you’ve just received a class reunion invitation from a peer whose personality rivaled that of the clown called ‘It.’

Step away from the e-vite. Whether or not this is the first recorded attempt at an elementary school reunion since the founding of the Boston Latin School is irrelevant.