One thing new parents don’t really think about is the breast pump. Seriously. It’s easy to understand the concept of breastfeeding, but many people fail to realize that moms are producing milk all the time, whether the baby is hungry or not.

1. Be born, and given an unremarkable name with some slight variation that makes it difficult to spell or pronounce.

2. Have a birthday party at a young age in which you’re the centre of attention. Crave this attention for the rest of your life.

3. Endure family issues throughout your childhood, preferably with your father.

Sometimes you need to step back and be a little absurd.

Sprightly: Good afternoon, this is Robin from XYZ Insurance. I’m sorry I’ve missed you. Interested in saving some of that hard-earned cash? Well XYZ can help. Give me a moment to explain.

In a hushed whisper: I’m supposed to be asking you to agree to a competitive insurance quote but I’m just so burned out on this job I can’t even go through the spiel. I mean really, WHO CARES? Insurance companies are such self -serving rip-off artists. And my boss is an obese cootie who drops everything to watch me make coffee. Gives me the creeps. If he makes one more joke about insuring my body parts, I swear I’ll call the Better Business Bureau. Freak.

Winslow has opinions, Ben has opinions, Willow has opinions, it’s just a big old bag of opinions, man. But for the record, Ben is absolutely right.