All of us wish to, in some way shape, or form, differentiate ourselves from the other common rabble out there. We develop our own unique style, from the clothes we wear, to the unnecessary tattoos of Looney Tune characters or car company decals that are strategically placed in inappropriate areas. We spent so much of

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The problem with laser beam eyes (a procedure clever readers recognized last week as literal laser eye surgery) is that they produce a great deal of heat. When combined with highly flammable inorganic facial upgrades–such as those acquired at the hands of an amateur plastic surgeon–the results can be explosive. This is actually what killed the original Scott Summers (Cyclops) of X-Men fame. (He was later replaced by his cousin, Lester Summers, who happened to have the same mutation. No one ever noticed.)

so much depends
upon

a red Radio
Flyer®

glazed with Aqua-
fina®

beside the white
Chicken McNuggets®

Winslow finally gets what he’s been dreaming about: a complete makeover! Thanks to the wonders of cosmetic surgery (and Little Winslow’s amateur plastic surgeon license), Winslow has an all new face. Women won’t be able to resist him now. Not with that amazing face.

Dear Friends,

After extensive study, I have finally discovered the one and only- the finest way to cook breakfast. It’s safe to say All the World will benefit from my discovery, so upon reading this article, don’t just keep it to yourself. Please inform your friends as well.