Adulthood is that monster under your bed you were scared of as a kid, and your only defense was pulling the sheets up over your head, only now the “sheets” are–well, still sheets, as staying in bed all day is amazing and the threat of eviction isn’t that intimidating.

During the course of our lives, we’re introduced to the people who make up the world around us. From birth, we get to know and love our family, and, if our personality isn’t that of a curmudgeonly old man, we’re lucky enough to find friends whom we care deeply for. These relationships grow and blossom for years to come, but those who you’ve trusted to not poison your meals will inevitably succumb to death.

Airplanes and prisons are the two places where it’s absolutely impossible to escape from an unwanted situation.

With it now being the third month into President Obama’s second term, quite a few debates regarding legislation has sprung up. There’s the ever popular “Defense of Marriage Act,” this whole second amendment hullabaloo, women’s rights when it comes to the development of a parasite in their body, drone attacks on American civilians, I’m sure there’s more, but you can only watch so much C-Span before you think to yourself “This would be a lot more interesting if Vince McMahon were Speaker….”

With every New Year comes a new promise that we make to ourselves to get better. We vow that we’re going to finally get in shape, that we’ll take the time to show our loved ones we care, that we’ll start seeing the world or spend less time at work, and all that self-improvement hogwash you tell yourself year in and year out.