EXT. SENATE STEPS—DAY SENATOR WILSON: (Gazes at American flag waving overhead, takes deep breath.) My first day as a freshman senator. Well, here goes nothing! Cut to INT. SENATE FLOOR—DAY (SENATOR WILSON takes seat, smiling nervously. SENATOR SMITH sits next to her, extends hand.) SENATOR SMITH: Wayne Smith, Texas. You new here? SENATOR WILSON: Yeah,

[continue reading…]

So you’re expecting the scrrrrrrrrritch of little claws—congratulations! You’ve heard the old saying that hatchlings don’t come with instruction manuals, but in fact many well-meaning friends and relatives are probably already bombarding you with advice. Never fear; no one expects you to know everything, and even the best parents occasionally slip and eat their offspring. For now relax, take a deep breath, and start familiarizing yourself with the basics.

THE CREATION

In the beginning God created Adam and Eve. And I know Grandpa is always saying how it’s Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve, but keep in mind that Grandpa’s mind isn’t what it used to be, and we love your uncles Steve and Ronald very much.

Millions love the Paleo or “Cave Man” Diet. Early humans lived in sync with nature, and so they were healthier, remaining free from cancer, heart disease, and obesity until dying in their thirties from predation or childbirth. For that great beach body, you can’t go wrong eating the same cauliflower bisques and gluten-free cookies as our hunter-gatherer ancestors. But why limit yourself to one time period? History provides us with an exciting array of dieting options.

For many, yoga is a way to relax and invigorate the mind, body and spirit. But have you ever felt that ordinary yoga isn’t enough? Do you find yourself still tense? Still stressed? Still radiating with a hateful, murderous energy that frightens your friends and loved ones? What you need is Rage Yoga. After studying the art of yoga via DVD for many months, I have come up with my own simple, three-minute program, designed to help you dig deep inside yourself and compress your emotions into a tiny ball of pure poison.