EXT. SENATE STEPS—DAY

SENATOR WILSON: (Gazes at American flag waving overhead, takes deep breath.) My first day as a freshman senator. Well, here goes nothing!

Cut to

INT. SENATE FLOOR—DAY

(SENATOR WILSON takes seat, smiling nervously. SENATOR SMITH sits next to her, extends hand.)

SENATOR SMITH: Wayne Smith, Texas. You new here?

SENATOR WILSON: Yeah, I … (Shakes his hand.) Laurie Wilson. Kansas. That’s me. (Rolls eyes.) Wow, I’m already off to a great start.

SENATOR SMITH: (Laughs.) Don’t worry, you’ll be fine! As long as you’re not some kind of crazy Christian, haha!

SENATOR WILSON: Wait, what?

SENATOR DARWIN: (Bangs gavel.) I hereby call this senate to order. First things first, I want to issue a warning to any freshman senators who think this year is going to be easy. I’m Majority Leader, and what I say goes. Next item on the agenda is Senate Bill 666, replacing the words “In God We Trust” with “God Is Dead” on all U.S. currency. Shall we go ahead and vote?

SENATOR WILSON: What have I gotten myself into?

SENATOR DARWIN: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Would you like to share your thoughts with the rest of the Senate?

SENATOR SMITH: Shh! You’re going to get in trouble!

SENATOR WILSON: I—that is, I don’t think I can vote for that bill.

SENATOR DARWIN: (Crosses her arms.) I’ll have you know that this legislation is supported by every political science professor at Yale and Harvard, as well as all our top Hollywood celebrities. But I suppose you know more than they do?

SENATOR WILSON: (Gulps.) Well, I’m not some sort of intellectual, but here’s what I do know…

Dissolve to

EXT. CHURCH PARKING LOT—DAY

(REVEREND DAVE and REVEREND DAVE’S WISE ETHNIC FRIEND load suitcases into a car.)

REVEREND DAVE: I hope our trip to Washington, D.C., goes smoothly.

RDWEF: Yes, I hope there are no wacky misadventures. But whatever happens, I am sure it will be for a reason.

Cut to

INT. SENATE FLOOR—DAY

(SENATOR WILSON stands behind podium as other senators look shocked.)

SENATOR SMITH: (Jumps to his feet.) Wow, she just made an airtight argument for God’s existence! Let’s all vote against this bill!

(Other senators stand and cheer.)

SENATOR DARWIN: I suppose you think you’re pretty clever, don’t you? Well, this isn’t over!

SENATOR WILSON: Why are you so angry?

(SENATOR DARWIN looks off into distance.)

Dissolve to

INT. SENATE BATHROOM

SENATOR DARWIN: If God exists, why can’t I get that cute Senator Smith to notice me? (Smashes mirror.)

Cut to

EXT. SIDEWALK—NIGHT

(REVEREND DAVE and REVEREND DAVE’S WISE ETHNIC FRIEND look at a map.)

REVEREND DAVE: We’re lost—what a day!

RDWEF: I am sure this has happened for a reason.

SENATOR DARWIN: (Crosses street towards them.) God, if you exist, I demand a sign!

(A falling piano hits SENATOR DARWIN.)

REVEREND DAVE: Oh, no, that woman needs help! We’d better save her soul and call an ambulance, in that order! (Kneels to pray beside SENATOR DARWIN.)

SENATOR DARWIN: God is—not dead … but I am … (Dies.)

REVEREND DAVE: Whew, thank goodness we were here.

RDWEF: Now it is time to party, Newsboys style!

Cut to

EXT. NATIONAL MALL—NIGHT

(REVEREND DAVE, REVEREND DAVE’S WISE ETHNIC FRIEND, SENATOR WILSON and other senators are jamming at a Newsboys concert.)

SENATOR SMITH: Let’s make Islam illegal!

SENATOR WILSON: Now that’s an idea that really rocks!

(They high five as fireworks go off.)

[NOTES: Google that cartoon about how a bill becomes a law. Possible idea for God’s Not Dead 4: I Still Know God Didn’t Die Last Summer—what if Chuck Norris karate chops a scientist?]

————

Katie Burgess lives in South Carolina, where she is unemployed and does improv.